Raphael Stevens

“Surgery?!” That was my first thought after hearing the doctor’s announcement. “Ri-DAMN-diculous,” was my second thought. Although I had no concrete proof, I was sure that I had been subjected to disparate medical treatment because I’m Black. My doctor minimized my concerns and refused to thoroughly investigate my symptoms. This doesn’t just happen to “regular” Black females. Perhaps you remember Serena Williams’ very scary, post-childbirth experience in which her concerns were dismissed. Or maybe you’re familiar with the more recent story of the Black, female doctor who ultimately died from COVID-19 after pleading for medication and routine checks. A 2019 article from Consumer Reporters (via the Washington Post) discussed how gender and racial bias can impact the way doctors diagnose and treat pain. Physicians are more likely to attribute female pain to other issues, such as stress, while ordering tests to investigate male patients with similar symptoms. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), in the U.S., Black, Native American, and Alaska Native women are 2-3 times as likely to die as a result of pregnancy-related issues than White women (the numbers get worse as women get older). And a 2019 review published in the American Journal of Emergency Medicine found that Black patients were less likely than their white counterparts to receive medication to ease acute pain, and, according to TODAY, 34 percent less likely to be prescribed opioids. 
Data confirms that racial disparities in health care exist, and, unfortunately, I can say that I experienced it firsthand. It started in March of 2017 when I felt a dull, nagging pain in my stomach. I took some ibuprofen and paced the living room, hoping that would help. It didn’t. After about an hour, my sister convinced me that we should go to the ER. I was diagnosed with indigestion. 
I saw my primary care physician (PCP) the next week. My PCP ordered a test and prescribed two medications for indigestion. The next month, I had another episode, only this one was much worse. I took the medicine for “flare-ups,” and it felt like I had just poured gasoline into a fire, inside my stomach. This time, the ER ran a CT scan, but it came back clear. I didn’t know how to feel. I was relieved, because I thought a clear scan meant the problem wasn’t serious, but I still didn’t have any answers.

I didn’t know how to feel. I was relieved, because I thought a clear scan meant the problem wasn’t serious, but I still didn’t have any answers.

My previous PCP had left the clinic, but I met with a new one. She referred me for an endoscopy to see into my esophagus and told me to keep taking the medicine. I explained that one of the pills had only made things worse, and I wouldn’t be taking any more. Her immediate response was, “I can’t give you narcotics.” Confused, I explained that I wasn’t asking for pain pills, I was asking for a different antacid. She said she couldn’t give me anything else, and that we would have to wait for the test results. The wait time for the scope was four months. You read that right—four months.  
My pain became more frequent and more severe, and each time I called the PCP’s office, she told me to keep taking the meds and wait for the scope. At the time, I was traveling for work, and only spent weekends at home. My family was concerned about what would happen if I had an episode away from home. Honestly, I did, and I suffered through them alone in my hotel room. I was too afraid to go to the ER by myself, especially in an unfamiliar city. Finally, an old mentor suggested I talk to her friend who was a gastroenterologist. As unexpected as it sounds, I flew 600 miles away from home for an appointment with him, something I realize not everyone would be able to do. 
The out-of-state doctor didn’t find anything wrong and suggested that I get an abdominal ultrasound. So, I called my PCP’s office to get a referral for the ultrasound, but she was on vacation and the other doctors in her office were all booked. This time I wasn’t taking no for an answer. I reached out to everyone I could think of looking for a new physician. 
A friend recommended her doctor. He got me an ultrasound the day after my appointment with him. Two hours after the test, he called with the results: “Your gallbladder is severely inflamed and has to come out.” In less than 24 hours, this new doctor had diagnosed my problem and come up with a treatment plan. Why hadn’t my previous doctor suggested an ultrasound? Why had she insisted on a “wait and see” approach while I was in unbearable pain?

In less than 24 hours, this new doctor had diagnosed my problem and come up with a treatment plan. Why hadn’t my previous doctor suggested an ultrasound? Why had she insisted on a ‘wait and see’ approach while I was in unbearable pain?

I don’t have any proof, but I believe it was because she didn’t believe that a Black woman could actually be in real pain. She was too busy assuming I was seeking opioids that she couldn’t provide proper care. She could have easily explored other options during those months. While my former PCP was finishing her vacation, I was undergoing surgery.
While I’m grateful that my gallbladder didn’t become infected or rupture (which can be life-threatening), the waiting period was exhausting. I was on edge 24/7 not knowing when the pain would strike. I altered my eating habits to eliminate the foods I thought might have triggered the episodes. I refused lunch and dinner invitations from friends and skipped team dinners with my co-workers. After having an episode while driving, I wouldn’t eat before running errands, and never went anywhere by myself.  
Since I couldn’t predict when I’d find myself in the ER again, I only slept in color-coordinated pajamas in case I ended up at the hospital in the middle of the night. I suspected I was already being stereotyped by one doctor; I thought “looking presentable” might lessen the risk of being judged by another one. I learned to observe how the ER staff interacted with me and my family. At the same time, I dreaded the bills that kept accumulating (they weren’t cheap). I’m thankful that I was able to seek alternative care, but why should I have had to do that in the first place? As I said, ri-DAMN-diculous! 

Since I couldn’t predict when I’d find myself in the ER again, I only slept in color-coordinated pajamas in case I ended up at the hospital in the middle of the night. I suspected I was already being stereotyped by one doctor; I thought ‘looking presentable’ might lessen the risk of being judged by another one.

If you’re in a similar situation, know that you deserve a doctor that listens to you. Fight until you find that doctor. Speak up if you don’t think you’re being taken seriously. Ask your physician to consult a colleague or get your own second opinion. Ask people you know for recommendations. Read online reviews. If you switch doctors, tell the new one about your previous experience, and let them know exactly what you are looking for. If they seem upset or offended, grab your purse, and run. Your health is too important for your concerns to be dismissed. You deserve a doctor that believes you. More

So January 1 came, 2020 ended (finally!), and you set some goals to get healthier this year. But you know how resolutions go: by February or March, your well-intended resolutions will have become a thing of the past. Or perhaps you’ve been hibernating all winter (or all of 2020), and healthy habits were the least of your concerns. No matter how on track you feel now, there will be times when your motivation waivers and workouts fall by wayside. You might even find yourself complaining to your mom or best friend about how you’re out of shape, as if there’s a “shape” that defines whether you’re healthy or not.First of all, let’s rebrand this “in shape” idea to mean your healthiest self, which looks and feels different to everyone. Being in shape is not a number on a scale or even a six-pack of abs. After all, a dress size could never be powerful enough to give you limitless energy or radiant confidence. Instead, being in shape is a way you feel. When you don’t feel in shape (thanks to that aforementioned lack of motivation or, you know, 2020), here are 10 habits to adapt to get back in shape and feel your best. 

1. Fit in more non-exercise movement
You don’t need a 60-minute workout session or access to a gym to get in shape. Instead, live a more active lifestyle overall by fitting in non-exercise movement into your routine. Even if you have a typical desk job, there are many ways to move more. For example, walk your dog more often, stand while working, try gardening if you have a yard, clean your house more frequently, walk everywhere you can, dance while cooking or getting ready, stretch while watching TV, and get outside to take conference calls. Change your goal from fitting in workouts to just living less sedentarily. For more ways to fit in movement, click here.

2. Don’t ignore cravings
Cravings are not mistakes or punishments, and they’re not there to sabotage your health goals. Cravings are actually one of the ways our bodies try to communicate with us. Plus, if we have a major craving for pizza and force ourselves to eat another boring salad instead, it can lead to bingeing, restrictive eating, and an unhealthy relationship with food. Instead, find alternatives with nutritious whole foods to nourish your body, like dark chocolate squares (for your sweet tooth) and sweet potato fries (for your salty cravings). If that pizza craving strikes again, score a frozen cauliflower crust from Trader Joe’s to top with tomato sauce and organic cheese, or try spaghetti squash in your favorite pasta recipe. For any other craving, check out these recipes to find a healthier alternative. 
 
3. Make exercise enjoyable
Maybe you think those always-in-shape women are the rare breed that came out of the womb loving jumping jacks and jogging, and you just happened to miss out on the magic workout-loving genes. But guess what: that isn’t true. You may not innately enjoy exercise, but you can find joy in exercise. For example, try a workout like dance that feels more creative, notice how centered and peaceful you feel after going on runs, or maybe even fall in love with the stability and routine of moving your body every day. Don’t work out because you have to; work out because you want to. Focus on how exercise makes you feel, and if you don’t enjoy HIIT circuits or weight lifting, find a new workout you’ll look forward to. 

4. Keep a routine
Getting (and staying) in shape is a series of simple habits. That’s it. Turning healthy practices into habits is helpful because you won’t have to debate whether or not to follow through with each healthy habit; you make like Nike and just do it. If a yoga flow is part of your daily routine, you don’t think about whether or not you should fit it in on a busy day. You’ll prioritize it because it’s a non-negotiable, just like brushing your teeth or scrolling through Instagram (guilty). To build habits, start with something even easier than you think. Even two push-ups a day can turn into 60-minute workouts. Also, designated morning and nighttime routines are crucial for an overall healthy life because they set your entire day up for success.

5. Utilize your calendar
Working out takes more than just deciding you’re going to work out. Making a plan and then adding it to your calendar ensures you’re not only setting realistic expectations, but you will follow through on them. When it comes to figuring out a workout routine, begin with what you know will work for you, not with a challenge. You can’t get to five or six workouts a week if you don’t master one, so start with whatever feels doable. Whether it’s Monday morning or Saturday afternoon, find a time that works for you to exercise. Write it on your calendar and treat it like any other work meeting or appointment: show up on time, be prepared, and don’t skip.

6. Eat more vegetables with every meal
Hoping to make some diet changes but not sure where to start? Or maybe going clean feels overwhelming because you’re so used to takeout? The answer: don’t worry about changing, transforming, or taking away food groups. Instead, eat more vegetables. Adding veggies can not only make you crave vegetables (yes, really), but it can also subconsciously crowd out processed and sugary foods (totally guilt-free). Do you love eggs for breakfast? Instead of forcing yourself to have a smoothie, add spinach to an omelet or put avocado on top. Do you eat pasta regularly? Throw in some kale and asparagus for nutrients that keep the body healthy without feeling deprived. When you focus on adding in more of the good stuff, you see food as fuel, rather than in categories of “good” or “bad” (and just like bad boys and the cookie jar, we want it more when it’s off-limits).
 

 
7. Be flexible
Reality check: there will be times when you’re too tired to work out, or you want to enjoy a glass of wine and an entire box of mac n’ cheese. Maybe you sleep through your alarm and miss a morning workout, or you’re not in the mood for a smoothie. Those times don’t mean you’re out of shape; they mean you’re listening to your body. Have an easy and flexible backup plan so that you don’t give up when your plan doesn’t pan out. If you’re exhausted or busy, go on a walk after dinner or do a yoga flow before bed instead of a workout. Likewise, have a wide range of healthy meal options so that when you’re not in the mood for the meal you had planned, fast food isn’t the only alternative. Have back-ups, be flexible, and listen to your body (even above listening to your workout plan or schedule).
 
8. Invest in your health
There’s a reason pricey programs work (even if only temporarily): when people invest money, they’re more likely to stay on track. Try investing in an online subscription, a new pair of leggings, or a pretty yoga mat, and see if your motivation changes. Likewise, invest in healthy produce. Because fresh produce goes bad much quicker than a frozen pizza, you’re more likely to go for a meal incorporating the fruits and veggies, if for no other reason than you don’t want your money to go to waste. Also, think of how you can invest time and energy too; the more you invest in yourself, the more you will become a priority. After all, there’s nothing more worthy of time, energy, or money than your healthiest, happiest self. Invest accordingly. 

9. Focus on each individual choice
When it comes to health, we often think we have to be all in or all out. Have you ever thought, “I’ll start eating healthy again on Monday,” or “I’ll work out once this stressful week is over?” Maybe you had a few slices of pizza one night, and your diet spiraled the next few days (might as well eat the whole carton of ice cream and get McDonald’s for breakfast since you already “slipped up,” right?). But all-or-nothing thinking automatically sets us up for failure. Instead of seeing “getting in shape” as a long-term project, focus on each individual choice. You don’t have to wait until the next day, week, or month to start over. In fact, you don’t ever need to “start over.” Some decisions will be out of pleasure (you deserve that slice of pizza!), but those decisions don’t mean anything other than you wanted a slice of pizza, and they shouldn’t impact future decisions.

10. Change your motivation
If you’ve skipped workouts for weeks or are ordering takeout more often than you’re cooking, your motivation might not be motivating enough. Reevaluate why you want to get in shape in the first place. “Going to the gym every day” or “running a marathon” are fine resolutions, but you need to look at the bigger picture to stay motivated. Will getting in shape help you live a longer, healthier life? Will running a marathon increase your confidence?
When you identify the true motivation and find a purpose for staying in shape that has nothing to do with the way you look, healthy habits not only become sustainable, but become enjoyable. You’ll no longer feel like you have to exercise. Instead, you’ll want to exercise because it will make you less stressed throughout the day, or because being active now means you’ll stay healthy as you get older, so you can live a long life with the people you love. Now that’s more motivating than a number on the scale.
 
What do you do when you feel out of shape? More

No matter if you’re newly dating, recently single, have been in an LTR relationship for a decade, or if the longest relationship you’ve ever had is with your work wife, Valentine’s Day is historically stressful. Pricey menus, overbooked restaurants, or the shame of being single? No, thank you. And don’t get me started on that awkward phase when you just started seeing each other and aren’t sure if you’re at the buying-presents level or if you should keep it casual (for reference, I started dating my boyfriend around Valentine’s Day years ago. He got me a nice bracelet, and I got him a joke golf ball holder that looked like a pile of poop).It’s true: Valentine’s Day can kind of suck. But not this year! We’ve dealt with a hellish 10+ months and a crazy increase in stress, so we all deserve a little extra love on February 14. No matter what your relationship status says on Facebook, here are the best at-home plans to make your Valentine’s Day stress-free, enjoyable, and special. Overpriced restaurant menus and depressing nights alone need not apply.

Order a hosting box to upgrade your night in
If you’re looking to make your night special but don’t have the time (or energy) to figure out how, why not order everything you need straight to your door? Pass the Salt elevates your night in by delivering a box based on your needs and your night. Complete with seasonal cocktail fixings, tablescape accents, conversation-starters to help you reconnect, a playlist to set the mood, and an on-theme movie night rec in case your date night turns into movie night (it always does, right?). The best part? Pass the Salt works with small artisan brands and family-run companies, so not only will your date night in be filled with unique accents and interesting pieces that no one else has, but you’ll feel good about what you buy. Your significant other will be so impressed! 

 
Have a picnic
Because what’s more worthy of a romantic holiday than a picnic? If it’s warm where you live, enjoy the weather by spreading a picnic blanket in the backyard or nearby park, and enjoy dinner (and a bottle of wine) sitting under the stars. And if you live by a beach, lake, or forest? Even better. If it’s too cold outside, DIY your own picnic by lying a blanket on the floor in the living room. Make it extra cozy with a lit fire or candles, and enjoy a romantic evening that will feel more special than your average night in. If you’re long-distance, mail your partner candles, order pizza on Postmates (for both of you), and send over a Zoom link so you can have the same experience together from miles away.
 
Relive one of your favorite trips
After almost a year of staying at home, Valentine’s Day might feel like just another milestone cooped up at home. The answer? Bring vacation to you. If you had a magnifique trip to France a couple of years ago, look through pictures, play French music, and cook some croque monsieurs. If you were planning on taking a beach trip this year that got canceled, make some piña coladas and put on a sundress. You can also recreate the trip you’ve always wanted to take together: make sushi if you’ve both been dreaming of visiting Japan, or set up a DIY poker table to transport yourselves to Las Vegas. And if you’re in different locations this year, reminiscing about experiences and reliving happy memories will make your Facetime date feel more special. 
 
Recreate your favorite restaurant or hotel at home
Do you miss fancy date nights out? Get takeout from your favorite date-night restaurant (bonus points for supporting local businesses), or mix it up by ordering a few different kinds of food for a buffet of all your favorites (eggplant parmesan and spicy tuna rolls? Yes, please!). Light candles and get out a nice table cloth to create a romantic atmosphere. Make it extra special by dressing up in nice clothes or even just spritzing on your nice perfume. You’ll feel like you’re at a fancy restaurant, but without the expensive prices and sometimes weird food (who likes escargot, like really?). Oh, and if you miss romantic sleepovers at hotels, change your sheets, hang up fancy robes in the closet, and leave all distractions outside of the bedroom. 

Create your own spa experience
Breakups are never easy, especially when the month of love comes along to remind you. The fix? Put all your energy and love into self-care with an at-home spa experience. First, set the atmosphere. Dim the lights, light candles, diffuse essential oils, turn on relaxing music, and put on a cozy robe. Stock up on all the luxurious products you love, whether it’s a CBD bath bomb or a high-quality hair mask, and get ready for a full day of pampering. Take a bath, indulge in dry brushing or exfoliating, give yourself a facial massage for relaxation and de-puffing, and finish off with a manicure or pedicure in your favorite color. End the night with a glass of champagne or a cup of tea.

Have breakfast in bed
Sure, breakfast in bed is typically for mornings, but why not make it a nighttime thing? Breakfast for dinner is always fun (scrambled eggs, anyone?), and eating it in bed (with a mimosa or two) will feel like you’re at a luxurious hotel or on vacation. Trust me, you’ll be thrilled you don’t have to go out for date night when you’re relaxing in pajamas, eating pancakes, and bingeing Sex and the City for five hours straight (without anyone telling you to change the channel). 

Do all your favorite traditions for yourself
If you love typically love Valentine’s Day, carry on with all the same traditions. But this year, dedicate the traditions to the most worthy relationship: the one you have with yourself. Buy yourself your favorite flowers, indulge in a fancy box of chocolates, or treat yo’ self to that splurge item you’ve been wanting. Write yourself a love letter, cook your favorite meal, and light some candles for some romantic NSFW time (thank god you don’t need two people to orgasm, am I right?). While it may sound cheesy and feel silly, spending the money, time, and energy on yourself that you would normally spend on someone else will remind you that self-love is truly the best kind.

DIY a wine and paint night
Wine and painting classes are all the rage these days, so why not recreate them from the comfort of your own home? Order some cheap canvases and paint supplies online, look up a Youtube video for step-by-step painting, and pour a couple of glasses of wine for your friends. You’ll have a lot of fun, get your creativity on, and maybe even come away with new portraits to hang up in your homes (or you’ll laugh at how bad they turned out, but either way, it will be a great time). 

Host a tasting
Since you can’t take a girl’s trip to Napa Valley this year, bring Napa Valley to you. Host a simple wine tasting by sampling a few local wines (#supportlocalbusinesses), or get more detailed with cheese or chocolate pairings. Don’t forget an Insta-worthy cheese board, which is always a crowd-pleaser. And if you want to step up your game, create cards for the titles or origins of each wine, the different notes in each sample, and what foods they pair well with (so bougie). If beer or whiskey is more your friend group’s style, sample a few different types for a DIY flight. Pair with pretzels and beer cheese or takeout from your favorite brewery. This is your important reminder that a box of chocolates pairs well with just about any alcohol. 

Bring the sports bar to you
If your group of friends is more the “screw Valentine’s Day” type, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have fun on February 14. Forget the fancy foods and elegant wine; opt for something a little more casual and enjoyable by turning your home into your favorite local sports bar (every friend group has one). Turn on a pre-recorded game, ESPN Sports Center, or any past-season highlights to set the scene. Grab some beers and make (or order) all of your favorite bar appetizers like wings, pizza, or onion rings. If the night breaks out into a game of good old-fashioned beer pong, we’d call you genius. Loungewear attire required. 

Have a party for one
Because you don’t need to have company over to have a dinner party, plan a special night in for just you. Hang up string lights, make some mini appetizers, pop the nice champagne, turn on jazz music, and dress up in your favorite dinner-party attire. Why should you dress up your home (and your OOTD) just for other people? After all, celebrating yourself is the best possible occasion to bring out the nice silverware. Oh, and if your idea of a “party” looks more like beer kegs and loud music, why not throw one at home for yourself? A beer keg might be excessive (no judgment, either way), but pour yourself a cold beer, turn on the playlist that makes you want to dance, and snack on your favorite party food. Rager for one, please!

Movie marathon
For a special night at home, don’t settle for the same Netflix show you watch every night (Bridgerton can wait until tomorrow). Switch it up by planning a special movie marathon. Watch as many movies as you can get through of your favorite franchise like Harry Potter or Star Wars, or pick a genre you love (’80s teen movies or historical dramas are both classic choices). Get all your favorite movie snacks, put your phone away, and snuggle up in your coziest sweats for a movie marathon. The best part about being solo with no one else to disturb you is that you can fantasize about Mr. Darcy, John Cusack, or Gal Gadot all night long (whatever tickles your fancy). 
 
Create a self-love night
Not to sound like a broken record, but the most worthy kind of love is self-love, whether it’s Valentine’s Day or not. Spend February 14 getting to know yourself, wooing yourself, caring for yourself, and prioritizing yourself. Plan out a schedule in advance of all the things you want to do to practice self-love. For example, revisit a childhood hobby, make a playlist of all your favorite songs, create a vision board, make a list of what you love most about yourself, cook an indulgent meal you love, and watch your favorite movie. For some more reflective self-love, try journaling prompts dedicated to getting to know yourself better, or squeeze in as many activities as you can from our Self-Love Challenge. 

What are your Valentine’s Day plans this year? More