Raphael Stevens

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    in health and weelbeing

    This Health Expert Swears by One Hack to Achieve Your New Year’s Resolutions

    I’m choosing to ignore all the memes about how 2022 is “2020 too” (no one needs that kind of negativity in their life) and believe that this is going to be a good year. Besides a celebration of what we’re leaving behind us, the start of a new year also means new year’s resolutions. You know the ones: eat less sugar, stop drinking alcohol, go to the gym more, lose 10 pounds, save more money. I don’t know about you, but the most common resolutions do not sound fun. It’s no surprise that 80 percent of New Year’s resolutions fail—people expect resolutions to make them feel happier or stress less, instead of prioritizing stress relief or happiness in order to achieve resolutions. New year’s goals typically have nothing to do with stress levels, happiness, or fulfillment, but if we really want to eat healthier, work out more, or save money, mental health should be the first thing we work on in order to get us there.
    Enter: Kadeem One. Kadeem is an author, meditation expert, holistic wellness coach, motivational speaker, aromatherapist, and hypnotherapist (how’s that for a long list of credentials?). He has worked with a variety of clients and even Fortune 500 companies to help achieve goals and develop habits that stick for a lifetime using meditation. Obviously I had to grill him so we can all break out of the New Year’s resolution rut and finally adopt healthier and happier habits that will extend beyond 2023. Read on for all his best tips to use meditation to (actually) achieve your New Year’s resolutions. 

    Meet the expert
    Kadeem One
    Meditation Teacher, Holistic Wellness Practitioner, and Motivational Speaker
    Kadeem One is an author, meditation expert, wellness coach, and hypnotherapist who has worked with corporate companies like Google, Yahoo, and Verizon, as well as individual clients to help everyone reach their goals and achieve successful lives. His expertise has been featured in publications like Martha Stewart Living, Healthline, and The Huffington Post.

    Why is meditation so important for achieving resolutions?
    Good for you if “meditate more” is one of your resolutions, but meditation is also an important tool to achieve any goal, from going to the gym to getting a promotion at work. Why? It helps you get in the mindset required for intentional decision making. “Most of us are constantly in a sympathetic state known as the ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ response, or a high state of stress,” Kadeem explained. “It can be hard to pinpoint problem areas or figure out roads to success when we’re in this sympathetic state. Meditation puts the body in a parasympathetic state, also known as the ‘rest and digest’ response. During this state, you feel balanced and focused, which helps you stay committed to achieve New Year’s resolutions.”
    In other words, consistent meditation allows your body to be in a calmer state, which improves motivation and decision making, and you’re less likely to make decisions out of stress response (like ordering Chinese takeout after a stressful day instead of heating up the nourishing meal that you know will actually make you feel better). A meditation practice can also be beneficial for improving sleep quality, and when you’re sleeping better, you have more energy throughout the day to go to the gym, crush your work presentation, connect with loved ones, or cook nourishing meals. “Meditation regulates sleep by increasing GABA, a neurotransmitter that helps create deep relaxation and sleep,” Kadeem said. In other words, meditation is the secret to make better decisions and achieve optimal energy so that you increase your chance of achieving goals.

    I’m sold…so where do I start?

    Start with focusing on breath
    New to meditation? Kadeem recommends newbies start their meditation journey with breathing. “For a simple start, set an alarm for 60 seconds and do some deep inhales and exhales while pausing in between each,” he suggested. “This technique is called square breathing (also known as box breathing). Inhale, exhale, and pause in between for an equal amount of time (like 3-4 seconds each).” Once you get used to 60 seconds of square breathing, extend to 90 seconds, two minutes, etc. and work your way up to whatever amount of time you need. If you start panicking when thoughts like your to-do list or weekend plans come up, know that meditation is about stillness of the body. Acknowledge the wandering thoughts, come back to your breath, and give yourself grace. Sitting still and making time for yourself is good enough. 

    Aim for consistency over quality
    A meditation practice doesn’t have to be 30 minutes of deep, intense meditation to reap serious benefits. In fact, the most important part of a meditation practice is not the length of sessions or even the quality of your focus. The most important part is consistency and showing up for yourself every day, even if it’s just 60 seconds while riding the subway or in line at Starbucks. “You can’t just meditate once or twice and think it’ll do the trick,” Kadeem explained. “That’s like saying you went to the gym once or twice and expect to lose 20 pounds. Meditation is like a muscle: you have to keep working at it for it to grow and strengthen your life.” Aim for a daily practice, knowing that there’s no such thing as a “perfect” meditation. Some days will be better than others in terms of length or focus, but the important thing is that you show up every day. 

    Focus on an intention
    While any type of meditation can help you stay on track to hit your resolutions, doing meditations for your specific goals can take it a step further. For achieving goals and resolutions, Kadeem recommends gratitude meditations in which your focus is on being thankful for various aspects of your life related to the resolution (like gratitude that your body can move, gratitude for nourishing food, etc.), visual meditations where you visualize your best self (like doing 100 push-ups at the gym or being confident at work), or expanded meditations, which means focusing on wishing others well, just to name a few different types.
    You can also search for meditations on any topic, so try Googling “Meditations for healthy eating,” or “Meditations for high performance at work,” etc. If your resolutions are more specific, get more broad by searching for “Meditations for abundance” or “Meditation to help achieve your best self.” The key, of course, is to find whichever type resonates with you (and your goals) most. To try some of Kadeem’s meditations for yourself, check out his teachings on Insight Timer or tune into his weekly live meditations. 

    Know that you already have the ability to be your best self
    Another problem with resolutions is that when we think about where we wish we could be, we’re telling ourselves that we’re not already enough as we are. In reality, we can be be our very happiest, healthiest selves right now–it’s just a matter of how we show up. “We have that power to heal ourselves,” Kadeem said. “Achieving that best self may require you to have a daily meditation practice, keep a gratitude journal, change up your friendships to those who energize and support you, donating to charity, or meeting with a holistic wellness coach to help you with your blind spots.” His point: You may think you need to lose 20 pounds or get a major promotion to be your best self, but you actually already are—it’s just a matter of making small changes and showing up as your best every day. “If you are looking to thrive in the new year and beyond, start to do a few new things like meditation to truly achieve the highest and best version of yourself.” Yep, that’s it. 

    12 Hacks to Hold Yourself Accountable with Your Resolutions More

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    Why 2022 Should Be the Year You Start Weightlifting

    Let me tell you my personal story with weightlifting. When I first began as a personal trainer in 2015, I had one goal for all of my clients: Get sweaty. Sweat, it seemed, was the ultimate sign of an effective workout, and I needed my clients to feel like they were getting plenty of bang for their buck. Every workout included a treadmill warmup, lots of jumping, bodyweight exercises, light weights (for things like “weighted jump squats” and “ultimate dumbbell burpees”), and a finisher that left a puddle on the floor. The same was true for my own workouts, which consisted almost entirely of cardio intervals and plyometrics.
    In 2017, I left the world of personal training to be a full-time indoor cycling instructor, which only further supported my bias toward cardio-heavy workouts. It wasn’t until 2020, after five long years of nothing but sweat-focused, repetitive fitness, I noticed that nothing was changing, so I took a new approach: heavy weights. Over the past couple of years, I prioritized weightlifting, and it has changed my life (and the lives of my clients). Here’s why I think 2022 should be the year that you lift heavy (yes, you!) and how to get started. 

    What are the benefits of weightlifting?

    1. Boost your confidence
    Before this year, I never thought I’d be capable of barbell cleans, 200-pound deadlifts, or heavy push presses. However, now that I know I have so much strength, things like calling the doctor’s office to make an appointment (ugh!) or lugging groceries home from Trader Joe’s to my small NYC apartment don’t seem nearly as difficult. Even seeing small improvements will make you feel like a badass, and those feelings spill over into the rest of your life. Just starting out? Remember that “heavy” is relative—there’s no one true definition of what’s heavy and what’s not, so if it’s challenging you, it’s heavy. Find weights that feel challenging yet doable and watch them feel lighter and lighter with each workout. By strengthening the body, you’re also strengthening the mind and gaining more confidence.

    2. Feel more toned in your body
    While we all know that exercise should be all about internal mindset, the reality is that we all want to be confident in our bodies. We’ve seen fitness fads come and go over the years, but one thing has remained tried and true: Strength training helps strengthen and tone the body. Afraid of looking “bulky?” Don’t be. In order to achieve a bodybuilder’s physique, women need to work more than twice as hard as men because they lack the testosterone required to achieve that level of musculature. Ask any female bodybuilder how many hours a day she trains and how much she eats, and you’ll be relieved to know that most of us aren’t even coming close. Weight training can help you tone muscles and burn fat, but it won’t make you “bulky.”

    3. Take up more space
    Speaking of “bulky,” what’s with the fear of getting bigger? Here’s my call to women everywhere: Let’s be done with aiming to feel small and squeezing ourselves into close-quartered definitions of what we should be, look like, and do. It’s time to take up some space in this world, both physically and emotionally: Claim your spot in the weight room and occupy it proudly, grow your muscles and show them off to the world, and strengthen your body and confidence by asserting yourself into what you may have been previously intimidated by. Nothing says “This is my year!” more than existing unapologetically in a space that you once shied away from. Whether you’re new to the weight room, haven’t been in a while, or simply haven’t considered what your presence might mean for another woman who’s still a little intimidated, start taking up your rightful space and watch how it changes your life and the lives of those around you.

    4. Improve your overall health
    This one goes without saying, but health is wealth. The best possible reason to move your body and do any kind of exercise is to improve the health of every part of your body (including the mind!). Weightlifting strengthens your bones, helps with weight management, improves mobility, protects joints from injuries, improves basal metabolic rate, and boosts heart health, all of which are extremely important for living a long and healthy life. If you’re going all in on cardio, you’re missing key opportunities to help prevent injuries while you’re training for a marathon or help slow bone loss that comes with aging. In other words, you know that any and all types of exercise is good for your health, but resistance training is crucial for so many important functions of the body and can help support all of your health goals.

    5. Feel more independent
    Personally, the biggest takeaway I’ve learned during my journey from cardio queen to strength-training stan is that nothing feels better than knowing you don’t need to rely on anyone or anything. That heavy box from UPS? Don’t worry, I got it. The elevator’s broken? Six flights of stairs are nothing. Moving across town? Well, I still might need some help for that one, but I can still lift even the heaviest boxes without waiting for someone to do it for me (it’s just a simple weighted squat!). If you’re anything like me, weightlifting will help you feel like your most confident, capable, and powerful self in 2022. 

    Where should you start with weight lifting?
    Whether you’re training at home, at the gym, or a little bit of both, you don’t need any fancy equipment or complicated plans to achieve your strongest body and start weightlifting. All you need are weights (dumbbells, kettlebells, and/or barbells) that are “medium” (doable for 6-8 reps) and “heavy” (doable for 4-6 reps) and a couple of basic movements for each muscle group (read below for ideas!). Also, remember that proper form is more important than how much you can lift, so talk to a trainer or fitness instructor to ensure you have the right form, and don’t lift too heavy that you’ll risk injury. Choose weights that feel challenging but won’t sacrifice form, and stop immediately if you feel your muscles fatiguing to the point that form starts to go. 

    Chest:

    Back:

    Shoulders:

    Legs:

    Glutes:

    Arms:

    Abs:

    The Crucial Thing Missing From Your Workout Routine More

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    QUIZ: The #1 Change You Should Make At Your Job This Year

    That fresh New Year’s energy is right upon us. And it’s usually the time we start getting curious about our own next chapters or what we could be doing differently to be sure we’re living our best lives. Even a small change on the job front can have huge payoffs when you’re resetting and rebalancing your self-care, family, and career.
    We’ve partnered with La Marca Prosecco to bring you a self-check on what change you might be ready to make to switch up your career trajectory so that you can step into the new year as your most empowered self. La Marca believes that we should celebrate those tiny, everyday moments—because they add up to elevating our whole life. Even if we’re not explicitly on the hunt for a new job opportunity, there are a number of ways we can level up our work experiences in 2022. So grab a coupe of bubbles and find out what action you should take at your job this year! 

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    How long have you been in your current role?

    A few years. I am a core part of the team!

    I came in on the ground floor; some people call me a lifer.

    New arrival! I’m just hitting my stride.

    When was the last time you asked for a raise?

    Never. I’ve always had someone look out for me.

    It’s been a while, but now I’m at the top of the range for this role.

    I negotiated like a boss just recently when I was hired.

    How excited are you about your current day-to-day?

    I really like my work. It’s meaningful, and I am moving the needle daily!

    I’m more settled than excited. I know what’s expected and I can regularly deliver.

    Butterflies on the reg. I’m tackling new challenges, and it’s really stimulating my creativity.

    What is your relationship like with your leadership?

    Solid. I’ve demonstrated my value over time, and they value me too.

    Plateaued. I’m not as challenged as I once was, but we’ve built a good relationship.

    Growing. I’m learning my boss’s unique habits and their goals for our business.

    Do your team values align with your own?

    Yes. It’s one of the characteristics of this job that has kept me here for so long!

    They definitely used to, but we’ve had some management changes that have shifted the culture.

    This team’s beliefs and way of business are known to attract top talent, and that brought me here.

    When was the last time you felt challenged on the job?

    I’m in the zone. Challenges are rewarding, but I also have routine work that is grounding and effortless.

    Does finding a new lunch spot count? That’s challenging!

    Daily! I’m building new relationships, learning new skills, and gaining exposure to great leadership styles.

    How many of your coworkers would you consider to be friends?

    We’re a tight-knit bunch! Nearly all of them.

    I’ve made a few close connections, who I know will be long-term friends.

    I hit it off with one woman right off the bat—we’re having regular coffee dates!

    What would be the next step on your current career ladder?

    I can see many rungs ahead—my boss’s boss has a very valued and cool role at the company.

    I would need some new skills to think about taking the next step. It’s a bit of a leap!

    I could see this role giving me a lot of different paths. It’s a pretty matrixed and varied opportunity set.

    The #1 Change You Should Make At Your Job This Year

    Time to ask for a raise or promotion.

    You have built an incredible reputation, strong book of work, and are probably part of the glue that keeps your team running in top condition! You may have found yourself taking on extra work this year or supporting teammates through challenging life and professional transitions. Or you may have used some pandemic down time to skill up on a new area that supports your professional development, such as getting a certification or extending your education.
    It sounds like you are ready to be better rewarded for your contributions through asking for that raise, additional benefits that are meaningful to you like a more flexible schedule, or family accommodations—or you can really spread your wings and ask for a more expanded set of responsibilities. Get that promotion! And after you do, toast to your business savviness with a glass of La Marca Prosecco!

    Time for a new opportunity at your company.

    We’ve all been there. You’re comfortable and you’re pretty well settled in your groove. That can be a great thing! But if you’re feeling a little too comfortable, not challenged, or like you’ve just hit autopilot, you deserve a new chapter. Looking for a new opportunity at your same company can be a great way to leverage all the great social capital you’ve built over the years and your awesome network of useful internal relationships. Challenge yourself to start the year with a meeting with your current manager to ask about what a new role could look like, either expanded from your current team or an entirely different area of the business! Pour yourself some La Marca Prosecco and start making a vision board of what your next dream job looks like.

    You’re crushing it. Deepen your expertise!

    You may have taken the past 18 months to really hit reset and either change your role or arrive at a new job and company entirely. Congratulations! Toast to this moment with some La Marca Prosecco. This is a really exciting part of your professional cycle, where things feel new, challenging, and you start to get those great routines and rituals that enhance belonging at a firm. Once you’ve made it past that first stretch of newness, it’s time to start deepening your expertise. Stretch yourself to meet people outside of your immediate work circle and start raising your hand more often for stretch projects that give you a chance to try out different parts of your business.

    La Marca Prosecco is an elegant sparkling wine grown in the heart of Italy’s Prosecco region. La Marca Prosecco believes in celebrating the joy in everyday moments, including the tireless work that so many women go through to make their dreams come true. A focus on career empowerment has always been part of The Everygirl’s mission, and our partnership with La Marca Prosecco has helped us take that mission into the real world with live and virtual events, small business grants, and more. Let’s raise a glass to that!

    This post was sponsored by La Marca Prosecco but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl Media Group editorial board. More

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    in health and weelbeing

    5 Tips To Get You Through the Gloomiest Season of the Year

    Growing up, I never really felt the effects of daylight savings time and shorter, colder days. As a kid, my bedtime was always the same whether the sun had finished setting or not, and in college, I was always down to go out regardless of how cold it was (oh, to be young and fun again!). Now, as an almost 30-year-old with a full-time job, less energy, and more responsibilities, I’m beginning to feel the negative effects of shorter days. Since I spend most of each day in an office and don’t leave until 5 p.m., I only get a short period of sun in the mornings (that is if it’s not cloudy).
    In the summer, I take advantage of the extra daylight by grabbing a rooftop drink after work, but in the winter, all I can think of doing is heading home and crawling right into bed. If you also live in parts of the world that get cold, cloudy, and dark this time of year, you could probably use a few tips to get you through to spring. Read on for the five ways I pick myself up when the winter blues are getting me down. 

    1. Start a new hobby
    In years past, I’ve spent the winter months becoming one with my couch, binging Netflix, and rationing the last of the Christmas cookies. Don’t get me wrong, this is still my idea of a perfect Friday night, but this year, I’ve decided to be a bit more intentional about how I spend my down time. Instead of mindlessly scrolling through my phone while lounging on the couch, I decided to pick up cross-stitching. It was one of my favorite hobbies as a kid and it’s pretty simple once you get the hang of it, making it the perfect activity to do while watching TV. Since I started a few weeks ago, I’ve been looking forward to coming home at night to work on my current project. If cross-stitching isn’t calling your name, you could also try adult coloring books, baking, reading, or a hobby for your enneagram. Feeling stuck inside isn’t so bad when you have a something to look forward to at home. 

    2. Make your home cozy
    Hygge is my love language, so I pride myself on having a cozy home during cold, winter months. The state of my physical surroundings can have a big impact on my mental health (for better or worse), so having a space where I enjoy spending time is helpful when cold weather is bumming me out. I focus on keeping my home tidy, lighting my favorite candles, and having plenty of blankets to snuggle up with. Even if you’re not a homebody like me, set up your home to have all your favorite things in one place and turn your living space into your own personal sanctuary. It makes another night at home much more enjoyable and you might even look forward to the sun setting at 4 p.m.

    3. Wake up earlier
    OK, hear me out. I know getting up at 6 a.m. isn’t easy—especially when it’s cold and the sun has barely risen—but I’ve found that starting my day earlier and getting to bed earlier helps me feel my best through the daylight savings changes. Since it’s dark by the time I leave the office, I like to work out, run errands, or just sit and read by the window in the morning so I can spend as much time as possible soaking up the sunlight. Getting more light might even help with symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder, so if you work in an office or have limited windows until the sun sets, wake up a little earlier to fit in sunlight whenever you can.

    4. Stay active
    If you’re anything like me, your favorite place to be when it’s cold outside (or let’s be honest, any time) is in bed. The desire to be tucked under the covers at all times combined with indulging in less-than-nutritious holiday treats often leaves me feeling lethargic and in the mood to hibernate all winter. While resting and recovering are important parts of self-care and the body needs different things during different seasons (AKA if you’re feeling more lethargic this time of year, that’s OK), I know that staying active makes my mind and body feel best. Exercise is an instant mood booster and stress reducer, which we can all use when we’re feeling down during this time of year. If you’re really not feeling like getting off your couch, don’t force yourself into a five-mile jog or intense HIIT class. Instead, bundle up and go on a walk if it’s not too cold outside, do relaxing yoga in your living room, or dance around your kitchen while baking (yes, that counts as exercise too).

    5. Create a Routine
    It’s the middle of winter, which means the holidays are over but spring still feels so far from our reach. All the days start to feel the exact same (cold and monotonous), and it’s easy to fall into a mental health slump. When I start to feel bored, sluggish, and overall blah, I revert to my favorite morning and evening routines to keep me feeling motivated and calm. As a Virgo moon, sticking to a routine comes easily to me, but if your daily routine feels too, well, routine, try to add different practices to make your mornings, evenings, and self-care feel more enjoyable. Having a go-to routine can help decrease stress, improve your mood, and improve sleep, which are results we all want this time of year.

    8 Indoor Hobbies To Get You Through the Winter More

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    How to Set Resolutions You’ll Actually Keep

    Even though I know I don’t have to wait for the new year to start a new habit, new beginnings leave me wanting to feel like a new(er) version of myself and make resolutions to get there. But whatever resolutions I decide to make, I know that I’m going to do it out of self-love, not self-hate. For example, if your resolution is to work out more, do it because exercise helps you manage stress or because exercise makes your body feel good and your body deserves it, not because you want to change your body as it is or punish your body for the food you ate over the holidays. When you make resolutions rooted in fear or self-hate, you’re more likely to abandon the goal altogether by March (trust me). Because you deserve to feel accomplished, confident, and happier by 2023, here’s how to set resolutions you’ll actually keep.

    1. Get clear on what you want and why
    Stop and reflect on the last year and how you want to feel in the new year. What does that look like for you? Think about what it would look and feel like when you meet your resolution, and get specific (and I mean really specific). One of my resolutions is to hit the treadmill for at least 30 minutes whenever the day has me stressed because I feel less stressed when I am able to move. Maybe for you, it’s leaving for work 20 minutes early because you want to feel more relaxed and not rushing in the morning helps (or you feel your most productive when you have time to pick up an oat milk brown sugar shaken espresso from Starbucks). Tune out other expectations and visualize all the details around how you want to feel, and then set action goals around that feeling.

    2. Make the resolution realistic and manageable 
    We often set resolutions that we think are manageable but are actually impossible, and it’s the unrealistic resolutions that’ll have you tripping. For starters, try not to make too many changes at once. I want you to dream big sis, but I also want you to understand the assignment. Break down larger goals into smaller ones to position yourself to celebrate and be motivated by small wins. If your resolution is to get a certification in your career field, break that resolution into tasks, like getting the study materials or registering for the exam, to figure out your targeted completion date. Proclaiming that you’ll study six hours every day when you can realistically only study two hours a day might leave you feeling discouraged or overwhelmed and eventually ghosting your resolution. 

    3. Plan ahead
    Give your resolutions a fighting chance by setting yourself up for success. Try attaching your resolutions to any established habits you already have that you do regularly without thinking about it. If your resolution is to read eight books this year, and you’ve made more it manageable by breaking it down to read for at least 10 minutes everyday, make getting into bed your “trigger habit” to get cozy with a good book. Check if any of your resolutions pair well together. For example, your resolution to level up your skincare routine would go great with your bedtime reading resolution. Plan ahead by having your skincare items within reach and pick out a book ahead of time for your nightstand. The key is to find maintainable steps you can proactively take that support your resolution and work for you and your lifestyle.

    4. Switch up your routine
    One of my favorite quotes is “The definition of insanity is to do the same things and expect different results.” If your resolution is to change jobs, what do you intend to do differently this year to get to that resolution? More specifically, what habits do you have now that are holding you back from that resolution? Maybe you tend to lose two to three hours each night watching TV or scrolling on social media that could be spent fluffing up your resume or making connections on LinkedIn. Reassess your current routines and how you’re spending your time to block out time that would be better used to learn a professional skill, check job listings, or network with professionals in your industry. What we water grows, so realistically update your routine to reflect your new priorities.
     
    5. Schedule checkpoints
    Stay on track throughout the year by scheduling checkpoints. Depending on the length of your resolution, these dates can be weekly, monthly, or quarterly. Because you’ve thought about what it looks and feels like to meet your resolution, you’ll have the metrics needed to be able to tell how it’s going. For example, if your resolution is to save $5,000 for a vacation at the end of 2022, try checking your progress monthly. Have you been depositing $417 each month into your savings? Do you need to make any changes to your budget to help you stay on track? The pre-scheduled checkpoints give you a chance to reward yourself if you’ve met your smaller goals or adjust as necessary if you’ve been struggling. Having a schedule in place will increase the likelihood that you’ll hit your resolution by Dec. 31. 

    6. Get an accountability buddy
    I love checking in with my sister on the progress we’re both making with our goals. We encourage each other to stay focused on the big picture. Even though our resolutions aren’t exactly the same, our check-ins with each other are reminders not only to keep going but also that we’re not alone in successes or challenges. Your accountability buddy can also be someone in your virtual Weight Watchers group or book club. Having someone to bounce ideas off of, vent to, or be encouraged by makes a huge difference. It’s not about someone holding you accountable because you don’t have the ability to hold yourself accountable (hint: you should enjoy and feel motivated by your goals so much that it’s not hard to hold yourself accountable). Instead, having a “buddy” is about built-in support (it takes a village to reach a resolution!). 
     
    7. Stay inspired
    In order to stay motivated to reach your resolution, immerse yourself in foods, activities, content, and music that inspire you. If you’ve decided to learn French this year, make a French cuisine dinner with your friends to eat while you watch a French film and see how many words you were able to recognize. If your resolution is to run a marathon in the fall, listen to training techniques via YouTube or listen to podcasts with trainers and marathon winners that will keep you inspired and excited. There’s so much content out there to motivate you as you go after your resolution, so immerse yourself in whatever way will keep you inspired. 

    8. Remember your “why”
    Whenever I get distracted from my resolutions, I go back to why I started in the first place and remember that initial intention and how I want to feel. When you’re clear on what you want and why you want it, it’s easier to stay focused—especially when your “why” is rooted in something that matters to you like confidence, happiness, or a longer life. The pride that you feel from learning how to create a healthy and nutritious dish that gives you energy without sacrificing flavor or the idea of spending a longer life with the people you love will motivate you more than the desire to have a six-pack ever could. 

    9. Be kind to yourself
    Show yourself compassion if (and when) you fall short of your expectations. Talk to yourself as you would a friend (and we both know that friends don’t let friends trash talk themselves!). Journal or document your progress and also how you’ve been feeling while taking steps toward your resolution. Making progress toward your resolution is more important than being “perfect” or hitting your exact goals because you’re still getting closer to how you want to feel and the intention that matters to you. If you put yourself down or feel bad for not hitting certain expectations, your chances of ghosting said resolution will go up, so be kind to yourself, talk to yourself like you would a friend, and know that sometimes, resolutions are meant to be a starting point to become our best selves, not a final destination.
     

    The 15 Best Books for Your New Year’s Resolutions

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    A Therapist Answers 7 of Your Questions Around Feeling Lonely at Christmas

    Whatever your typical set up around December the 25th – perhaps a chunky get together with the extended family, a little celebration with a few key friends and fizz or a firmly ‘non-traditional’ takeaway from your local Chinese restaurant – between high Omicron rates and the desire to be ‘cautious’, things might look different, this year. (Again!)
    READ MORE: 12 Life-Changing Wellness Quotes By Bonnie Mbuli
    One possible ramification of this is a sensation of loneliness. The festive period is a core cause of the feeling – notwithstanding a global pandemic that has severed our physical ties like a piece of silverware through brandy butter. This especially goes for those who have tested positive for the virus and now must isolate over the day itself.
    79% of you feel lonelier now, than you did before the pandemic, according to WH research. To help you through, WH asked leading psychotherapist and author of This Too Shall Pass, Julia Samuel, to respond to some of your questions, musings and comments on feeling alone, this Christmas.
    How should I deal with Christmas loneliness?
    But first, there is some universal advice to root yourself in. Regardless of your situation, the below is likely to be a tonic, to some degree, in this bizarre time.
    Keep a routine
    ‘It helps to have regular routines that you can rely on that give you some certainty, so it might be structural routine of exercise before breakfast, or meditate after work,’ says Samuel.
    Just breathe
    ‘Both exercise and any breathing technique also reduce the anxiety caused by uncertainty, so you get double benefit. Intentionally choosing to do things that give you joy also helps manage uncertainty, so it might be listening to wonderful music as you cook.’
    READ MORE: Yoga Moves That Bonnie Mbuli Swears By
    Know what you can control
    ‘Recognising and jotting down the things you can change and influence and those you can’t is worth sticking on your fridge door,’ Samuel details.
    Remember that, even amid wild uncertainty, you are in control of some aspects of your life. ‘It is important to be proactive, make times for online connection and if possible real connection through walks together, even taking hot drinks that you can stop and drink together,’ she adds.
    ‘We need connection to others more than anything else. People need people and love in every form is vital medicine right now, we have to commit and work to have it, not wait for someone else to connect with us.’
    Scroll on for her response to WH readers who are feeling a little stuck, sad or solitary, at this time.
    7 of your Christmas loneliness questions, answered
    1. ‘I feel sick about Christmas! I am alone and dreading seeing people with their families on Instagram. What should I do?’
    ‘I can understand that living alone is heightened over Christmas when you both imagine and see on Instagram families being together,’ says Samuel. ‘I wonder if you might contact an organisation that connects people in communities, young and old online and in person.
    ‘Another thing to note is that using our skill and agency to make something through painting or any kind of craft gives us both purpose and satisfaction, there are also many online craft meet-ups that you can join to discuss your area of interest.’
    READ MORE: If The Festive Season Stresses You Out, Try These Psychologist-Backed Coping Strategies
    2. ‘I am struggling with uncertainty. It looks as if Christmas will be very miserable this year and there’s a shortage of money through no work…’
    ‘The uncertainty and shortage of money make celebrating anything worrying. I wonder if you can schedule virtual meet-up with, say, four good friends to wish each other a happy Christmas.
    ‘I have been pleasantly surprised how meeting with a small number of close friends can feel intimate and enriching.’
    3. ‘My main concern is my 94-year-old mom, who lives alone, abroad. My sister is nearby and sees her a couple of times a day, but if there’s a bad snowstorm or Covid regulations, she might not see anyone.’
    ‘I imagine not being with your mom on Christmas day is particularly hard, when the number of Christmases you are likely to have together in the future is uncertain.
    ‘Could you perhaps create a Plan B for your mother if there is a snowstorm – does she have a next door neighbour who she could ring and would agree to drop in, and could you agree a time you will telephone each other on Christmas day whatever the weather?
    ‘I would write and send her a card with a message of all that you feel about her, and memories of your happy Christmases of the past that she could open on Christmas Day.’
    4. ‘I lost my mom four years ago and she made Christmas magical. It’s not ever been the same again.’
    ‘Having memories of those very Happy Christmases with your beloved mom must be bittersweet.
    ‘I would create an annual Christmas ritual which reflects your mom and your love of her, maybe light a candle with flowers and a photograph of her that you can turn to at particular times or do something that connects you to her over Christmas.
    ‘Touchstones to memory are a way of expressing the love of the person who has died, for our love for them never dies.’
    5. ‘I think I will get depressed as I alone am expected to carry out all household chores. I used to have my friends as support, but, because I’ve not been in touch with them regularly through lockdown, they have left me.’
    ‘I can hear how hurt you are not being in touch with your friends, but I would suggest you draw on your courage and contact them and agree to reconnect. I am sure they would welcome hearing from you as they might well be feeling left and lonely too.
    ‘Partly it is about just daring, taking the leap to text or call and it is also cognitively recognising that the feeling of fear doesn’t in anyway match the reality of fear – feelings are not facts.
    ‘The worst that can happen is the status quo, they don’t respond, so you have lost nothing and may gain a friend so it is definitely worth the jump.’
    READ MORE: 7 Busy Women Share Their Best Self Care Tips for the Holidays
    6. ‘I can’t visit my family as my mom is very high risk, which means feeling very disconnected and alone. Help?’
    ‘That’s tough for you and your mom. I wonder if you could record a voice message for her from you and others that know and care about her, saying Happy Christmas but also why she is special to you, that she could receive on Christmas Day.’
    7. ‘I have no family anyway and I think Christmas is over-amped as a time of togetherness – and that itself is the key cause of the seasonal loneliness.’
    ‘I wonder if you would find some sense of enrichment over a time that feels over-amped by volunteering on Christmas Day or around it? Helping others is both good for those that receive but also the giver.’
    *This article was originally published on Women’s Health UK

    READ MORE ON: Mental Health mental health advice Mental Wellness More

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    in lifestyle and culture

    QUIZ: Which Career Archetype Are You?

    Whether we’re just starting out in our careers or self-checking mid-stream, finding that intersection of what we love and what we’re good at is an art and a science! Even when we have a variety of jobs, some themes in our passions and capabilities constantly repeat themselves. You could think of this as building your own personal “career archetype” over time based on the type of work you’re routinely drawn to. Going back to this “north star” of your true self can be an awesome way to shape your career even through a wide variety of jobs and hone in on your differentiated expertise!
    We’ve partnered with La Marca Prosecco, our drink of choice and a brand that believes in making the everyday moments matter. We are excited to share a new way for you to think about how you might frame your talents, skills, and passions. Because when you know yourself and exactly how to deliver that to the world, our day-to-day lives have a little more sparkle and celebration. And couldn’t we all use more of that? Grab a La Marca mini and spend some time in self-discovery!
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    In your dream job, how often would you meet new people?

    Periodically. I like to connect with people who share my niche interests.

    All day! The best part of my role is connecting with new people inside and outside my business.

    Sometimes. I like developing new relationships, especially when I know I can be of help to someone.

    Rarely. I love focusing on tasks and working independently on projects.

    Your boss comes to you and tells you they have a new project for you, but it will require getting really in the numbers. You are:

    Jazzed. Technical details are my sweet spot!

    Not thrilled. I’d rather come up with how we tell the story about the numbers.

    It depends. If it’s in service of a larger project or outcome, I’m game.

    Excited. Diving into a detailed, complex problem with a cup of coffee is my dream day.

    When a problem comes along on my team, I can be counted on to:

    Really analyze it. I plot out all the root causes and can come up with a few solution paths.

    Understand everyone’s perspective. I’m good at seeing all sides of an issue.

    Create a safe space to hash it out. I want to be sure all people feel heard.

    Sketch out the actions we need to take to solve it and identify who is the best person on the team to do each.

    Most people would describe my communication style as:

    Direct. I know what I mean and try to deliver it precisely.

    Engaging. I think a lot of people say they’re good communicators, but I really connect with others.

    Nurturing. I’m good at pulling out others’ own ideas or illustrating new concepts.

    Structured. I am great at being able to lay out a sequence so people can really focus on what’s urgent.

    If my company said I could never work from home again, I would:

    Be ambivalent. Some parts of my job need collaboration with others, but some do require a lot of focus.

    Be just fine! The vibe of the office and being with my colleagues for coffee breaks are really energizing.

    Be relieved. Most of my best work happens when I’m partnering with people live and in person.

    Start the job hunt! I have thrived being able to work at my own pace and in my own space.

    People always come to me for advice on:

    Thinking through complex issues. If it has a lot of moving pieces, I can draw you a map to solve it!

    Fixing relationships. Work, personal—I’ve heard them all!

    The best way to communicate something. I make hard concepts easier to understand.

    Building new processes. I love designing sleek, efficient systems of work.

    The best part of my job is:

    Solving problems. I like to find the pieces of a process or product that are broken and improve it.

    Working with people. I think I would faint if I sat in front of a spreadsheet all day.

    Taking care of others. I appreciate when I can make an impact and see my work matter.

    Seeing the finished product. I love knowing that I’ve checked off every box on my to-do list!

    The most motivating compliment I could get from my boss would be:

    “That’s an incredibly innovative idea. We’ve never thought that way before!”

    “We would have never won that business without you. You are the key to this client relationship.”

    “You made such a difference to that person. Their life will be different because of what you did.”

    “You thought of every detail. We saved so much time on this and got to the right outcome with your plan.”

    How would you describe the ideal pace of your day?

    Measured. I like to have a plan and some structure to what needs to get done.

    Hustling. Small, quick interactions coupled with longer, meaningful engagements is a good balance for me.

    Structured. I need to be able to really give my attention to whatever work or person I’m with at the time.

    Fast and slow. I like to power through morning meetings when I’m fresh and take the afternoon to plan.

    Which Career Archetype Are You?

    You’re an Innovator

    You love a new idea. Anything that taps your creative juices or puts you on a path to discovery is right up your alley! The fun part about this career archetype is that there are so many different types of work that suit you. Maybe you’re incredibly design focused, and pulling together a client’s home or new logo is exactly how you express your innovative tendencies. Or you could be breaking glass ceilings and making our world a better place through your scientific discoveries or technological prowess. Innovators tend to find it most satisfying to work on projects that are brand new or allow them to explore a number of different outcomes that engage a lot of people or ideas in the process. Grab a pen and a glass of La Marca Prosecco and start to dream up your next greatest discovery!

    You’re a Connector

    Connectors are key to making our world go round. You love to engage new people, tell stories, and be on the front lines of any organizations you work in. You are probably most happy when you’re in conversation with someone, discovering their needs or interests, and sharing your own. Connectors have that awesome ability to find a tiny detail about someone—“My neighbor once had a cat named bubbles too!—and turn that person into a lifelong part of their network. Capitalize on this awesome ability by seeking out jobs that get you out from behind a screen and in front of the customers or decision makers of a business. Sharpen those powers of persuasion, sales skills, and willingness to stretch your boundaries to see success follow you in just about any field. Now, raise a glass of La Marca Prosecco and toast to your incredible people skills!

    You’re a Caregiver

    As a caregiver, you have a supernatural ability to hone in on the needs of other people. This incredible talent can manifest itself in so many different ways! You might be drawn to the medical field, where you’re delivering people a service that can change their lives, or education, where you are truly setting the foundation for someone to recognize and develop their own skills. Caregivers can also end up as consultants or advisers because there is nothing you love more than hearing someone’s problem and helping them find a great solution. Caregivers of all types are at high risk of burnout, so always be sure that you are putting yourself first as you navigate your career across these roles. In fact, start now by pouring some bubbles and taking a break to reflect on a recent win with a glass of La Marca Prosecco!

    You’re a Doer

    Doers keep the trains moving! You can be counted on in any situation to drill down to the urgent and important. What do people need to do right now to get the job done? Who is the best person to do it? You have a great capacity for ensuring all the little details are in order and managed in the context of the big picture. Nothing drives you crazier than a process with unnecessary steps—you immediately begin dissecting how to make everything, from the grocery line to your everyday job, as efficient as possible! Doers often go on to become incredible COOs or cherished project managers. You are able to understand both the processes and the people, which means you can deftly combine both your technical and relationship skills to deliver on an objective. Almost every industry in the world needs people with just your talents—the world is your oyster. And you know what goes wonderfully with oysters? Bubbles! Pour yourself a glass of La Marca Prosecco and toast to your amazing ability to check off that to-do list!

    La Marca Prosecco is an elegant sparkling wine grown in the heart of Italy’s Prosecco region. La Marca Prosecco believes in celebrating the joy in everyday moments, including the tireless work that so many women go through to make their dreams come true. A focus on career empowerment has always been part of The Everygirl’s mission, and our partnership with La Marca Prosecco has helped us take that mission into the real world with live and virtual events, small business grants, and more. Let’s raise a glass to that!

    This post was sponsored by La Marca Prosecco but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl Media Group editorial board. More

  • 75 Shares

    in health and weelbeing

    4 Ways to Support Healthy Ageing

    Want to support you body through its healthy ageing? Try these four simple steps and you’ll never look back (or if you do, at least your neck won’t hurt).
    1. Load it up
    To optimise your bone health through perimenopause and beyond, resistance train twice weekly. Studies show it helps kick bone-forming cells into action, while slowing down age-related bone mass decline.
    Any form is great, but compound lifts such as squats and deadlifts deliver the heaviest skeleton benefits*.
    READ MORE: Millennials Are Turning 40, But How Healthy are They, Really?
    2. Wear SPF, rain or shine
    You heard: even when the cloud cover is more dense than your grade 9 bully, it pays to slap it on.
    In a 2016 study, people who applied an SPF straight after washing their face each morning showed reduced symptoms of skin ageing – such as wrinkles and uneven skintone – after an 18-month period.
    READ MORE: 10 Mineral Sunscreens That Won’t Damage Your Skin Or The Environment
    3. Eat for your hormones
    With oestrogen stores declining as you head towards menopause, including phytoestrogens (naturally occurring plant substances that imitate the OG) in your diet can have a balancing effect.
    According to an Iranian study*, help reduce the frequency of hot flushes in menopausal women. Find them in soya beans, legumes and whole grains.
    4. Take it to paper
    If life right now feels like you’re juggling an impossible amount, whack out your journal.
    Journalling had been shown to boost cognitive function and memory, relieve stress, improve mindfulness and even help support your immune system, per a US study*. Research suggests 20 minutes, three or four days a week, is plenty.
    READ MORE: Struggle to Get to Sleep? Try These 5 Breathing Techniques
    This article was originally published in the September issue of Women’s Health UK.

    READ MORE ON: Health Advice Hormones Mental Wellness Periods More