Raphael Stevens

The most wonderful time of year is filled with joy and celebration—for most of us. However, there are many people who experience the opposite set of emotions during the holiday season. If you are someone who is dealing with loss, difficult family dynamics, heartbreak, or spending the holidays alone, it can be a harsh reminder of what you’re missing.
As isolating as it might feel to be surrounded by people who are in a cheery mood (both online and in person), you are not alone if you’re struggling. The holiday blues can start as early as November 1 for many people. But rest assured, it is still possible to enjoy the holiday season with the help of these six coping strategies:

Don’t compare yourself to others
Comparing yourself to others is never a good idea—online or in real life. But remember that comparison is the thief of joy, so making a conscious effort to avoid the comparison game this season will go a long way. If you find yourself feeling sad or envious that you don’t have what others have this season (whether that’s money to spend on gifts, a big family to spend the season with, or a significant other to take mistletoe pictures with), take a step back for a few days. This could look like not attending a party where all of your friends will be with their significant others or simply logging off of social media for a few days.

Start a new tradition
Traditions don’t have to be decades old; you can start new traditions any time you want! And the holidays are the perfect time to do so. Between choosing a new tradition, planning it, and involving others (or not!), you can have a lot of fun—and distract yourself from any sadness you may be feeling about other parts of your life. There are countless new traditions that you can start with family members, friends, your significant other, or solo. Some of our favorites include starting a holiday book club, having a movie marathon, and doing a cookie swap.

Give back
Studies show that giving can boost your physical and mental health, and during the holidays, there are various volunteering opportunities that you can get involved with. Some of our favorite things to do to give back are volunteering at a soup kitchen, adopting families for groceries or gift-giving, donating to a food bank, participating in a Giving Tree, and donating warm clothing. Choose whichever community project or organization that feels close to your heart, and set your sights on how you can make a difference in other people’s lives through volunteering. You can even make it a tradition to do it every year, too!

Plan something to look forward to
If the only thing you’re counting down to is the first day you get back to work after the holidays, consider this your sign to plan something way more exciting than that to look forward to! Whether you want to plan something during the holiday season or after (or both!) is up to you, but having something to be excited about either way will boost your spirits. Can we suggest a solo spa day, a staycation, or a shopping trip with your girlfriends?

Set boundaries
Setting boundaries can help you manage any further sadness and stress this holiday season. To do this, start by identifying your needs and/or any triggers you anticipate, and create a plan to have boundaries around them to protect your peace. For example, if you recently went through a breakup and don’t want to get into the details with anyone or think about it at all (we don’t blame you!), make sure you let the people in your life know that you will not be discussing it—especially during this season. Decide what your boundaries need to be, and communicate them clearly to prevent spiraling into deeper sadness.

Seek support
A support system is crucial no matter what time of year it is or how you are feeling, but it is especially beneficial when you are feeling your worst. Make sure you have someone you feel comfortable talking to whether they are a family member, your best friend, or a mental health professional, and rely on them throughout the season. If those closest to you don’t know that you need additional support at this time, consider opening up to them about what you’re going through so they can be there for you.

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Every conversation is an opportunity to cultivate real, human connections—whether that’s by nurturing existing relationships or creating new ones—and having meaningful conversations can help us process and learn from our individual experiences, together.  
But still, it can be hard to go beyond the standard, “How are you?” Often, “How are you?” can feel like an overwhelming question. So, we say, “Good!” or “Hanging in there,” because how we’re really doing either feels like too much to unpack or too heavy to share with someone else.
It can be even harder when the person we’re talking to has differing opinions on the social and political issues happening around us. Often we find ourselves talking at each other, against each other, or over each other, and not with each other. In these moments, we miss the chance to learn from people who challenge our assumptions; conversations that encourage us to reflect on our existing perceptions, create new ideas, and progress mentally. So, why do we have such a hard time having conversations that make us feel more connected, fulfilled, and ultimately, happier?
It’s helpful to think of conversations as a microcosm of a relationship. There needs to be a give and take in the sense that both parties are teaching and learning, talking, and listening. And like a relationship, a good conversation creates an environment where both people feel respected and safe to voice their thoughts. This trust establishes a strong foundation for the conversation to build around. The good news is that most people want to connect on a deeper level. Here are a few tips to help you do just that.

1. Start with curiosity
Whether it’s with your friends, family, Bumble date, or Uber driver, every conversation is an invitation to learn something. Curiosity keeps us engaged in the conversation. Not only that, but we learn faster and remember more when we actually want to learn it. It’s pretty likely that the person you’re talking to knows something you don’t, whether it’s about an experience you’re having, a place you’ve always wanted to visit, or something they saw on the news. So if you don’t know something, ask. If someone mentions something you want to learn more about, ask. If someone has a different opinion than yours, ask questions to help you find out why. Curiosity pushes the conversation beyond surface-level small talk and helps us feel closer to the person with whom we’re speaking.

2. Avoid self-fulfilling questions 
We tend to ask questions that push our own expectations and bias onto others. When we ask, “Did that make you mad?” or “Were you happy?” we will likely get a “yes” or “no” answer. Instead, asking, “How did that make you feel?” invites the other person to steer the conversation without judgment and to answer without fear of criticism. 
Wording questions more open-endedly also encourages the other person to process what they are experiencing and how they are feeling on a deeper level. You can expect to get more complex, surprising, and illuminating answers this way, which helps you better understand and can help the conversation go deeper than a “yes” or a “no.”

3. Let go
Not every thought that drifts into your head needs a mic. Sometimes, it’s better to let thoughts pass without saying them out loud. Don’t stop listening to or interrupt the other person because you want to make sure you don’t forget to share a clever comment or story. Make sure to let the other person fully finish speaking—and if what you wanted to say is no longer relevant or doesn’t contribute to pushing the conversation further, then let it go. 

4. Practice empathy
Empathy is the capacity to set aside your own biases and to understand someone else’s feelings based on that person’s own unique experiences, perspective, and frame of mind. In order to empathize, it’s important to acknowledge that we are all biased and that actively working to keep it in check is a lifelong commitment. When listening with empathy, you’re making an active decision to understand someone else’s opinions and values without criticism. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with what they are saying, but you are respecting their right to voice it and be heard.

5. Remember: Their struggles are not your own
If someone is talking about struggling with work, family, a relationship, or anything else, don’t use it as an opportunity to talk about that ex you broke up with five years ago. While it may seem like you are comforting someone by sharing your own semi-related story, this can make people feel overlooked and like you have made their struggle about you. Your experience is not the same—it is not about you. 
If you have a habit of jumping in with your own story, next time, make a conscious effort to stay quiet until the other person is done talking, and take this time to truly listen. If at this point you still feel like you can shed some insight on their experience, let them know that you went through something similar and leave it up to them to decide if they want to hear your story.

6. Be honest
Speaking your own truth can be hard to do when the other person has differing values and opinions. However, being able to express your authentic opinions and, in turn, have them challenged is where a lot of the learning and growth happens in a deeper conversation. To speak candidly and respectfully, here are some things to keep in mind:

Letting people know that you hear and understand their viewpoints helps assure them that you are coming from a place of honesty and respect.
Don’t step onto a soapbox. Speak to people directly and not at them. A good conversation begins and ends on the same level. One opinion is not superior to the other, and the goal is to both grow and learn together. 
Speak calmly and with purpose. Ask yourself what you are trying to say and what the best way to convey it might be. If you need to take a moment to think about this, pause. Silence during a conversation offers the space to reflect on what’s been said and taking the time to be authentic benefits everyone in the conversation. People want to know the real you so that they can show you their real self as well. 

7. Be present
It’s easy to let our minds wander during a conversation, whether it’s thinking about the million things on your to-do list or that snarky email your boss sent. Yet, if your mind is elsewhere, you won’t fully pay attention to the conversation. Remember that the other person’s time is just as valuable as yours, so give them your undivided attention. This means more than just tucking your phone away and keeping eye contact. To really listen is a practice in mindfulness:

Don’t worry about what you’re going to say next. If you’re waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can say what you’re thinking, you aren’t paying attention. Instead, focus on what they are trying to communicate to you and where they are coming from.
React less and reflect more. It’s natural to have knee-jerk reactions to things people say. However, in order to fully understand what someone is saying, we need to give them the floor to explain—and sometimes figure out—their thoughts. So before you jump to a conclusion, reflect on why and how that person came to form their values and opinions. And if you don’t know, ask questions to help you understand.

Conversations have the power to remind us that we are seen, heard, and valued. The way we listen and talk to one another can impact how we move forward as both individuals and a community. And when we are present and show up for each other, conversations will be what bring us together.

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It’s hard to think of this festive season without some holiday cheer (read: booze). Whether you’re hosting a Friendsgiving, coming as the plus one to your SO’s company holiday party, or making an obligatory appearance at Aunt Mary’s annual gathering, alcohol is often the common denominator. There’s no denying holidays are synonymous with a seemingly endless flow of libations and feasts complete with the usual suspects: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, apple pie, sugar cookies. But if you’re looking for hacks to enjoy your mulled wines and apple cider cocktails in moderation rather than going cold turkey ahead of Dry January, I’ve got good news: You can have your cake and eat it too. Read on for a how-to guide on drinking during the holidays—healthy women edition. 

What is considered “healthy drinking?”
When it comes to taking a healthy approach to drinking alcohol, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. We each have our own definition of a healthy amount and cut-off number, which varies depending on our biological sex, age, health, and body composition. It also doesn’t help that alcohol and health is a subject long disputed by wellness experts. While some studies promote the health benefits of alcohol like red wine, other studies and experts say no consumption of alcohol is healthy. 
If you’re looking for a general rule of thumb, Christine Kingsley, an advanced practice registered nurse (APRN) at the Lung Institute, broke it down for us: “Practicing healthy drinking limits them to three or fewer regular alcoholic drinks per day.” (It’s also important to keep in mind that not all drinks are created equal: a true serving of alcohol is 1.5 ounces of distilled spirits (think: gin, vodka, whiskey), 5 ounces of wine, and 12 ounces of beer.)
She also cited that less alcohol-digesting enzymes and more significant hormonal alterations due to menstruation and birth control contribute to our diminished ability to process alcohol, so mindful drinking is key. Bottom line: Always listen to your body. Is it giving you cues that you’ve had enough after knocking back two pomegranate mojitos? Instead of limiting or shaming yourself for what you do drink, know what your personal limits are and practice a mindfulness-based approach to drinking.
 

Hacks healthy women use to sip smarter during the holidays:

Keep the water coming 
When it comes to H2O, healthy women don’t mess around, especially if they’re enjoying a drink. So the first order of business when you arrive at your holiday soiree? Start with a large glass of water and lemon before you start drinking to fill your stomach and prevent over-drinking à la Kingsley. Then, to nip dehydration in the bud, double-fist it, except make it your drink of choice and water. “It’s one of the oldest, but smartest tricks in the book: After every glass of alcohol, consume a glass of water,” said Kylene Bogden, a registered dietitian nutritionist and Co-Founder of FWDfuel. “This allows your body’s natural detoxification system enough time to properly filter, leading to more restful sleep that night and less of a hangover the next day.” Enough said. 

Eat well-balanced meals before and after consuming alcohol 
Before you pour yourself a tall one, avoid the all-too-familiar hangover by filling your stomach with nutritious foods. “Be sure to consume a protein-rich meal or snack, ideally before you take your first sip of alcohol or alongside the drink,” Bogden suggested. “This slows your body’s digestion of alcohol, therefore ensuring better blood sugar control and less intoxicating effects of alcohol.”
Healthy women know that a light meal or bite here and there won’t cut it if you’re planning to bottom’s up! If you have a get-together in the evening, Bogden encouraged starting your day with a balanced breakfast and appropriate meals and snacks to follow. And PSA for those first-thing-in-the-morning coffee drinkers: Downing coffee on an empty stomach is a recipe for disaster for your cortisol, and adding alcohol to the mix without the proper fuel can harm your metabolic health. So nourish your body with good-for-you eats (AKA protein, whole grains, and healthy fats) before and while you drink.

Reach for healthier options
Plain and simple: Pass on the mixed drinks high in sugar that leave you with nothing more than a sugar-induced coma and hangover (looking at you, spiked eggnog). Instead, stick with a single, clear alcohol, like vodka, tequila, and gin. “The colors and flavors are the very things that make these drinks silent killers,” warned Kingsley. “Their characteristics motivate you to consume more, potentially resulting in over-drinking and dehydration.” 
Another tried-and-true substitute to sugary cocktails? “Opt for wines. Red or white wine is a great alternative for alcohol during holiday gatherings because they take longer to drink and, therefore, promote moderate drinking,” Kingsley explained. “Wines can also offer health benefits through their antioxidant properties.” Or switch it up with non-alcoholic bevvies. From bubbly and spirits to beer and wine, take your pick of booze-free refreshments that pack in flavor without the undesirable side effects of alcohol, caffeine, added sugars, and artificial flavors. 
I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention this drinking trick healthy women always keep up their sleeves, thanks to Caitlin Carr, MS, a registered dietitian: Dilute your drink with carbonated or sparkling water and make it a spritzer, especially when the family bartender (AKA Dad) tends to have a heavy hand. You’ll get a boost of hydration with every sip. 

Make a plan
Whether it’s establishing a drink curfew, limit, accountability partner, or all of the above, have a plan of action before your festivity. Healthy women curb their alcohol intake 3-4 hours before bed, otherwise booze can disrupt their Zzzs (beauty rest is a non-negotiable, after all!). And they put realistic goals in place when setting their drink maximum. Maybe you nurse one nightcap all party long, take two swigs of a bevvy and call it a night, or sample a few festive drinks with friends—only you can determine what’s best for you. If you know you tend to overdo it when you’re in a celebratory mood, consider putting a buddy system in place. Check in with one another and monitor how much you and your drinking buddy are consuming—not just at one given party, but also over the days leading up to it. You can thank each other later. 

Set boundaries
Peer (or family) pressure is real, ladies. We all have that well-intentioned aunt who nudges us to have “just one more drink” with her at the Christmas family function. Or as soon as you arrive at the cookie swap, your hostess-with-the-mostest friend asks, “Can I get you a drink?” Be prepared with a response in mind, like “No, thank you. I’m done for the night,” or “I’m opting out tonight, but I appreciate the offer.” Healthy women know when to draw the line and say “no” because drinking should always be a choice and not an obligation. Being open and honest with your loved ones about your health goals can help clear the air and set the tone for future meet-ups. And if you’re invited to an event you know will be overflowing with alcohol, it’s OK to forgo it all together (JOMO, FTW). 
 
Have supplements at the ready
Throwing a few back with the support of some supplements can mean the difference between waking up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and facing the morning-after misery. “Start supporting your body’s natural filtration system (kidneys and liver) before you feel poorly,” Bogden advised. “In my practice, I recommend a B complex vitamin washed down with an electrolyte-rich beverage immediately after your last drink of the day and one serving of activated charcoal right before your head hits the pillow.” Other must-haves to add to your don’t-leave-home-without emergency drinking kit? N-acetyl cysteine (NAC) and milk thistle. Taking them prior to drinking, before bed, and the day after can enhance the liver’s function in metabolizing alcohol. Before adding said supplements to your routine, first check with your doctor or nutritionist. While there aren’t any guarantees to prevent a hangover (except for sobriety, of course), these natural remedies come pretty darn close.

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