Raphael Stevens

If you’re the DJ Tanner or Marsha Brady of the family, chances are you’re the responsible leader of the pack. But if you identify with Stephanie Tanner or Jan Brady and assume the role of the middle child, you likely get lost in the shuffle and keep the peace. Then, there are the Michelle Tanners of the world (AKA the baby of the clan) who are the outgoing charmers (“You got it, dude!”). These assumptions are all based on the birth order theory that says the order in which you were born dictates your personality traits. Is there any truth to it? Could it be the answer to why siblings are so different? I sought out Michele Goldman, a psychologist and advisor for Hope for Depression Research Foundation, to get the breakdown of the birth order theory, what it says about each sibling, and why some people may not fit its framework. 

Meet the expert
Michele Goldman, Psy.D
Psychologist
Michele Goldman is a clinical psychologist specializing in trauma, relational patterns, anxiety, and depression. She also serves as the media advisor for Hope for Depression Research Foundation.

In this article

What is the birth order theory?
Developed in the 1900s by psychotherapist Alfred Adler, birth order theory suggests that the sequence in which a child is born within their family—from first born to the youngest and every position in between—shapes their thoughts and behaviors. For example, the firstborn typically portrays the characteristics of being an achiever and reliable. Goldman made an important distinction between chronological and psychological birth order: “Chronological birth order is the literal order in which siblings are born,” she conveyed. “Psychological birth order is the birth order that someone might encompass, even if they were not born in that placement within the family.”
According to Adler’s theory, children are not born with inherent qualities, but rather their family environments and dynamics play a role in influencing individual psychology during their formative years. While every family is different, Adler believed there were many similarities between the interactions of parents and children as well as between siblings. So does birth order really impact personality? The short answer is it’s up for debate. Some studies have shown that Adler was onto something when it comes to the attributes of first children, but more research is needed to get the full picture. Ahead, what the birth order theory says about your family standing. 

The breakdown of each birth order

Firstborn
According to the birth order theory, the oldest child holds a highly advantageous position because they are used to being the sole recipient of attention for a period of time–therefore, first children may struggle when needing to share attention once siblings are born. The firstborn will often have a great amount of responsibility once younger siblings come into the picture. They might face stricter parenting and higher expectations, which typically leads to strong leadership and high-achieving qualities.

Middle Child
“Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!” Jan Brady’s famous cry says it all. If you fit the middle-child trope, you oftentimes will feel left out or unimportant. Middles are often skilled at carving out a place for themselves and they might even be creative in how to be seen within the family unit. While they are rather skilled at compromising, the middle child can also be competitive when overshadowed by an older sibling and sometimes unruly or rebellious. Neither overwhelmed with great responsibility (like firsts) nor overindulged (like the youngest), middle children most likely develop into successful adults.

Youngest Child
It’s no surprise that the attention-seeking, can-do-no-wrong baby of the family tends to be overindulged by all in the family. What the youngest does in response to being overindulged impacts how they move through the world. Some youngest children will believe they are to be taken care of and may lack the internal drive to excel and the confidence to manage tasks successfully. However, other youngest children may appreciate being taken care of and want to take care of others, becoming respected as the “go-to” in the family.  

Only Child
Because the only child tends to be more familiar with adults than with other children, even if highly socialized with peers, they may be more rigid. Only children can be both highly successful and dependent upon their parents, as their parents are solely focused on the their success and achievement. Prone to be stubborn because they’re not used to being flexible or negotiating with others, the only child is also independent, able to fill their time with productive outlets, and intelligent. 

Why you may not fit the birth order theory
Of course, there are exceptions to the rule where the birth order patterns don’t necessarily hold true. Goldman cited the most common reasons: 

Large age gap between the children 
Adler considered a large age gap to be three years, but most researchers now define it as five or more years, which was influenced by siblings being in different schools after five years. “In US schooling systems, after 5th grade, one sibling will go to middle school while the younger child is left behind in elementary, thus leading ‘separate’ lives,” Goldman explained. “If we have a five or more years difference, the child might be third in chronological birth order but becomes a psychological firstborn because the other two siblings are much older.” In other words, the child may exhibit firstborn tendencies even though they came third in line because of the large age gap.

Health of a child 
A child with any health obstacles, no matter where they fall in birth order, can affect the psychological birth order position of their sibling(s). “If an oldest child is frequently ill or has a chronic condition (either physical or mental health), they might become the psychological ‘baby’ of the family because the focus is always on nurturing them and caring for them,” Goldman clarified. “This shifts attention off of the chronological baby, and the baby will take on another birth order position.” 

Twins 
To put it simply, Goldman stated that twins complicate birth order, and how birth order is impacted is dependent on whether the twins are the only children in the family or have other siblings. “Twins will typically not be raised according to chronological birth order, especially if they are only a few minutes apart, but psychological birth order might still form over time,” Goldman clarified. 

Beliefs about gender 
The engrained beliefs about gender by both the culture and other family members can also affect the birth order theory. “Even if a female is the oldest, a male child might be treated as a firstborn because of the cultural emphasis on males,” Goldman described. “This also might be seen in a family of five boys and the youngest is a girl; that girl might be treated as a stereotypical baby or as a psychological firstborn.”

Blended families 
When a family structure is affected by remarriage, psychological birth order will likely change, especially when the children are in their formative years. Goldman gave an example: “[When] a chronological oldest who has a well-formed personality in the family is blended with step-siblings where they now have someone older than them, this can influence their perceived psychological birth order and influence how they feel about themselves and others.” In the same vein, the two firstborns in the newly-formed family will search for their “place” and may compete to keep their firstborn standing.

What Is Human Design, and Is It the Key to Unlocking Your Life Purpose? More

“It’s simple,” they say. “Just eat well and exercise!” It’s the age-old weight loss formula, but we all know better: Losing weight isn’t that black and white and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Maintaining a healthy diet and spending time at the gym are just two of the many factors that play a role in weight. And, let’s face it: Whether you’re trying to lose weight to improve your overall health, feel more in tune with yourself and your body, or fit into your old go-to pair of skinny jeans (no matter what Gen Z says!), losing weight can be a struggle even when you’re doing everything “right.” So what gives? To get down to the nitty-gritty, I asked Andi Lew, a certified food, lifestyle, and wellness coach and author of Connected: A Paradigm Shift in How We View Health, to weigh in on underlying causes that may be hindering your weight loss efforts.
BTW, the purpose of this article is not to make you believe that weight loss has to be a goal (it doesn’t) or that you need to obsess over these factors or else you’ll gain weight (you won’t). Instead, this article is meant to show you that trouble losing weight has absolutely nothing to do with your willpower, laziness, or worth. If weight loss is your goal and you feel like there’s no hope, read on for five eye-opening oversights to watch out for. 

Meet the expert

Certified Food, Lifestyle, and Wellness Coach
Andi Lew is an Australian-native, leading wellness expert and best-selling author with nine books and 30 years experience in teaching natural health.

1. You’re reaching for foods you think are healthy but really aren’t
Step into any grocery store and you’ll be met with labels that read “all-natural,” “gluten-free,” and “low-fat” (I could go on and on). A word to the wise: Those buzzwords don’t give the whole picture. “A lot of health claims are placed on packages to sell you products,” Lew said. “For example, gluten-free or low-fat packaged goods often have added sugar, oils, and sodium, so read the nutrition facts carefully.”
Also, these packaged (AKA processed) imposter health foods are void of nutrients. “Processed foods have been stripped of their vitamins and minerals so you end up overeating as you’re never satisfied on a nutritional level,” Lew said. “They’re usually packed with sugar, which is addictive and creates an inflamed gut and acidic environment. Cutting down or eliminating these foods will help the body regulate itself.” Bottom line: Swap health halo-wearing foods with whole foods (read: foods that exist in nature and that you’ll find in the outside perimeter of the store) or check the nutrition labels and make sure it’s all ingredients you recognize.

2. You’re not getting enough nutrition
Between the high fructose corn syrup, refined oils and sugars, and trans fats found in today’s processed foods, it’s no wonder more than 90% of Americans aren’t getting enough vitamins and minerals, like magnesium, calcium, and vitamins A, D, E, and C, in their diets. “Poor diet combined with emotional or chemical stressors often results in leaky gut syndrome,” Lew explained. In other words, if you don’t have a healthy gut, it can’t properly absorb nutrients. The good news? You can improve your gut health by staying hydrated, consuming whole, unprocessed and high-fiber foods, managing stress, and catching quality Zzzs.
Then, they’re not giving your body the nutrients it needs because you’re under-eating or restricting foods, thanks to being conditioned by diet culture to think that we need to eat less in order to lose weight. But eating too little can have the opposite effect by drastically slowing down your metabolism and causing hormonal shifts (more on that to come). Instead, make sure you’re eating enough to fuel yourself with the proper vitamin and mineral intake. (If you’re experiencing symptoms like sluggishness, hair loss, irritability, or feeling cold all the time, those could be signs you’re not eating enough.) Consider getting a blood panel to check your nutrient levels, eat the rainbow, choose locally-grown and organic food sources when possible, and listen to your body’s hunger cues and eat whenever you’re hungry. 

3. You’re not prioritizing sleep 
A holistic approach to wellness includes more than just nutrition and exercise. Lew stressed the impact sleep and stress have on maintaining a healthy weight. “When we don’t get quality sleep–due to stress or environmental stress like blue light emitted from phones–we release stress hormones called adrenaline and cortisol, which slow down our body’s self-healing and functioning capacity,” she said.
Ever noticed how you reach for junk food when you’re stressed or running on little sleep? That’s no coincidence. Studies have shown that sleep-deprived individuals tend to choose foods that are high in sugar and trans fat to compensate for feeling a lack of energy. What’s more, not getting enough or quality shut-eye is linked to increased hunger and portion sizes and decreased physical activity. On the other hand, waking up on the right side of the bed can help you make healthier food choices and feel more motivated to get your movement in. So take stock of your sleep habits and see where you can make improvements. Can you set a realistic and consistent sleep schedule? Or consider bidding adieu to your afternoon pick-me-up and favorite nightcap or lighting a candle while listening to soft music to relieve stress and unwind. Get your beauty sleep on and you just might get over the hump in your weight loss journey. 

4. You have a hormonal imbalance
Let’s be real: A lot of the times it feels like our hormones have a mind of their own, but hormone health is critical. Hormones facilitate nearly every bodily process, including metabolism, hunger, and fullness. Because hormones play a role in our appetites, some influence our body weight (looking at you, insulin, leptin, and cortisol). And when they’re out of whack (hello, fatigue, sugar cravings, weight loss resistance, stress), there’s no denying their effects. “An imbalance of hormones like excess cortisol may make the body go into fight or flight mode and induce the production of fat cells, which will cause a declining metabolism in an adaptive way for the body to store food for later use,” Lew stated. 
So how do you strike the right hormonal balance? Tackle stress with meditation and yoga,  scrap the processed foods and refined carbs and and sugars (sound familiar?), go for workouts you enjoy and that stabilize cortisol (Pilates, anyone?), and get a good night’s sleep on the reg. If you’re still not able to hit reset on your hormones, Lew suggested scheduling a general check-up and working with your doctor or a health professional to address any underlying health conditions or hormonal imbalances you may have. 
 
5. You have chronic inflammation
More than just a major buzzword in the health and wellness space, inflammation is the common denominator of most chronic diseases and has a major impact on weight; with increased inflammation comes more weight gain. “If you regularly ingest inflammatory foods, such as sugar, alcohol, and refined carbohydrates, or processed foods, you’re creating a toxic environment in the body that doesn’t have the ability to digest, absorb, or excrete nutrition,” Lew affirmed. She also pointed out that food intolerances can be a source of inflammation, so pay attention to common symptoms like gas, bloating, constipation, or diarrhea and seek out a naturopath to test for foods you may be reacting to.
So if you’re checking all the weight loss boxes with nothing to show for it, inflammation may be to blame. While ditching the weight-gaining culprit doesn’t happen overnight, you can start by passing on the processed eats, loading up on anti-inflammatory produce and fats (think: leafy greens, berries, and salmon), and taking hot girl walks to get your body moving. 

10 Weight Loss Myths, According to a Registered Dietitian More

We can all agree that it has been a loooong year! The best way to get through this time of the year, with decent energy levels, is to get enough sleep at night.
Honestly: “Nothing replaces sleep to give you energy,” says Dr Alison Kole, director of sleep services at Summit Medical Group. “Most people require seven to nine hours of sleep per night to feel their best.”
Still, that’s not always entirely possible (just one more episode of Manifest and a few minutes on TikTok can’t hurt, right?). But the good news is there are some quick energy-boosting tips you can try that work pretty well in the moment. Here’s how to get more energy, like, right now.
1. Follow this super-specific hydration formula
Admit it: You don’t drink as much water as you could – and dehydration is one of the main reasons why energy levels bottom out.
“Most of us walk around in a state of dehydration on a daily basis, and when your body is dehydrated it can make you feel tired and sluggish,” says registered dietician and nutritionist Dr Allison Childress.
Fortunately, Dr Childress also says that pretty much any kind of beverage (except alcohol) counts toward your daily intake, so if you’re not a huge fan of plain water, mix it up with juice, tea, or even broth from soup.
Not sure how much you need? Dr Kole says it depends largely on your body size, and recommends multiplying your weight by 20 grams to calculate what your daily goal should be.
READ MORE: 1How Much Water You Should Be Drinking Daily, According To A Nutritionist
2. Choose coffee over energy drinks
Yes, a quick jolt of liquid caffeine can definitely perk you up – but here’s the thing, not all caffeine is created equal.
“Stay away from energy drinks…they may give you a temporary boost, but these are stimulants and can set you up for a crash later on,” says Dr Childress, adding that energy drinks often contain caffeine as well as a mix of other stimulants like guarana and yerba mate.
She says that 240 to 350 mils of coffee is a much better choice when you need some liquid energy (i.e., no crash). Just be mindful of the timing. Dr Kole warns that having caffeine too late in the day (say, after 4 pm) can interfere with sleep – and possibly force you to need even more caffeine the next day.
3. Snack on both carbs and protein
Your body’s energy comes from the calories you consume, says Dr Childress, so if you’re feeling sluggish you might need to fuel up. But don’t head to the vending machine; there’s a simple formula for noshing on a perfectly energising (and healthy) snack.
“Choose a carb and a protein for maximum punch,” she explains – the carbs will provide your body with fuel, while protein will help you stay fuller (and more satisfied) longer. “Try an apple with a piece of string cheese, a cracker with nut butter, or half of a protein bar,” says Dr Childress.
4. Do a few laps at the office (or just get up for some water)
If you find yourself nodding off at your desk, there’s a simple solution: Take a walk – it’s an automatic source of energy that boosts your circulation and keeps your muscles active, says Dr Kole.
And before you complain that there’s no place to walk outside your office building, know that fresh air is not mandatory for this tip to work. Take regular trips to the water cooler, log some laps around the open plan cubicles, or walk up and down the stairs a few times. Dr Childress suggests setting an alarm on your phone to remind yourself to get up from your desk every hour and move.
“Do it regularly to keep fatigue at bay and keep your mind focused — a move break is just as good for your mind as it is for your body,” she explains.
5. As soon as you wake up, make a plan to crush the day
You know that feeling when you wake up and have so much to do that you kind of just want to go back to bed? This tip can help with that “I’m so overwhelmed” feeling.
Dr Kole suggests starting every day with a positive thought or goal (like, “I’m going to spend 20 minutes mentally rehearsing for my presentation over coffee today”). This will help you manage your attitude toward the day’s activities – and conserve some of your precious energy, because freaking out about everything is super draining. “Personally, I try to focus on one thing I’m thankful for,” she says, “which creates a positive mindset moving forward.”
READ MORE: Mindful Drinking: How More And More People Are Becoming ‘Sober Curious’
6. Take a whiff of something refreshing
Whether you work in an office or at home, the air around you can get…stale – which definitely doesn’t bode well for staying alert.
Perk up by diffusing essential oils (they’ll spice up your environment and boot your energy levels). Dr Childress says that eucalyptus and citrus oils can refresh a tired body and mind, and that if simply smelling some zesty lemon doesn’t quite do the trick, you can also try putting a drop on some pressure points (like the insides of your wrists) for an extra kick. Just make sure to read the directions; some essential oils can irritate the skin.
7. Go outside on your lunch break
Sunny days aren’t just good for your mood — they can also be good for your mental and physical health.
“The sun can be very invigorating [and it can also] stimulate vitamin D production, which has been shown to enhance mood,” says Dr Childress. Everyone needs vitamin D for bone health, but many don’t get enough of it from food—enter, supplements and good ol’ fashioned sunshine.
FYI: a little bit of sunscreen-free sun exposure is okay, but make sure you don’t go overboard. You don’t need to tan or burn your skin in order to soak up those vitamin-rich rays; you only need about 10-15 minutes of exposure.
8. Keep your curtains open and wake up by daylight.
If you need one more reason to consider the sun your friend, pay attention: opening up your curtains and letting daylight into your bedroom as soon as you wake up in the morning can set you on an energised course for the whole day.
Kole says that exposing yourself to bright light first thing in the a.m. helps regulate your internal sleep-wake body clock and may even improve your mood, especially if you suffer from seasonal affective disorder (SAD).
9. Go ahead, take a (power) nap.
If you have a full-time job (or children), taking a nice, long restorative nap when you’re feeling sleepy is probably out of the question. But there’s good news: you don’t need a long nap to reap the benefits of some afternoon shut-eye.
“The ideal length for napping typically is about 20 minutes,” says Dr Kole. “Longer naps tend to leave people sleepier, in part because the further you go into a sleep cycle the more likely you are to hit deep sleep, and waking up during that stage often causes people to feel groggier.” Basically, consider this permission to take a quick midday snooze.
10. Try to sweat a little bit before breakfast
In addition to making you feel super-productive before even starting your day, working out in the morning can boost your energy, as well as control anxiety and reduce stress – two major energy-suckers, says Dr Kole.
But there’s one other reason to make going for a daily run the first thing on your daily to-do list: According to Dr Kole, a morning workout sets a positive and energised tone for the rest of your day, while working out in the late afternoon or evening is more likely to interfere with your ability to fall asleep at night, she adds.
11. Free up brain power by actually writing things down
If I were to peek into your brain right now, I’d likely see a miles-long list of appointments, schedule changes, and other things you definitely cannot forget about – and that’s a recipe for crushing fatigue, says Dr Kole.
You actually expend a lot of energy trying to mentally keep track of everything you need to do, so Dr Kole recommends sitting down to actually get some of that stuff done – or at least organising yourself better by writing down all of those things. She says resolving these distracting loose ends can free up tons of brain power and make you feel more prepared to tackle the next thing on your list, whatever it is.
This article was originally published on www.womenshealthmag.com  More