Raphael Stevens

Lizzo raps about being her own soulmate, pop songs are less romantic and more about loving yourself (see: “Love Myself”
The post 10 Ways to Love Yourself More This Year appeared first on The Everygirl. More

New year’s resolutions have never been productive for me. I imagine that many of us —including myself—are finding it difficult to set goals considering what this year has looked like for us globally. This year I found that adding small changes to my routine has helped me not only cope with the rollercoaster of emotions I’ve felt this year, but they’ve also helped me find new interests and even helped me reassess what’s important in both my personal and professional life. Because of my success, I wanted to share a few small tips to help make this new year more balanced and joyful. 
1. Make sleep a priority 
A study conducted by the CDC found that one in three Americans regularly don’t get enough sleep. I used to be one of those people until I figured out that sleeping gave my brain time to recuperate from staring at the computer for hours. I once thought that the longer I stayed up and got things checked off my to-do list, the longer I was productive. However, I often found myself having to spend more time on certain tasks because my eyes and mind were too tired. 
My body’s reaction to my unhealthy sleeping habits makes sense given our bodies repair themselves each night as we get our well-deserved shut-eye. The amount of sleep each of us needs is unique to us within an average of 7-9 hours. I find that being mindful of what time I stop watching Netflix, texting, and lounging helps me make sure I’m in bed by 11 p.m., as that is my personal sweet spot. Experiment with different times to find what works best for you and adjust from there.  

2. Add a mindful act of self-care to your routine
A few weeks ago, I asked my therapist if she thought self-care was really helpful. Of course, her answer was yes. As we talked, I questioned how something as simple as a cup of tea could help with mindfulness, and in my case, anxiety. I can’t remember exactly what she said, but what I took away from our conversation was that by taking the time to make a cup of tea or draw a bath, you are saying you deserve a moment reserved for yourself. 
Even with us being in our homes most of the time due to the pandemic, there’s still a lot to get done, and prioritizing ourselves is still important. We’re even working during a time where the physical boundaries of work for many of us are gone, which means closing our laptops when we’re “off” is even more difficult. Whether it’s meditation, tea, a bath, meditation, a walk, therapy, painting, or whatever you dream up, finding something small to do that gives you even a moment of peace is worth it.  

3. Find a workout activity you enjoy
At the start of the new year, it feels inspiring to embark on a new workout journey. However, sometimes we can get lost in physical transformation, and not take the time to figure out what activities we really enjoy that we’ll want to stick with even after the celebratory feelings of the new year have worn off. Exercising in the past has felt like a chore, but I found my thing in quarantine. Seeing my body change has been great, but the energy boost and anti-anxiety benefits I get are why I don’t skip more than a day of working out. 

4. Get organized
Organization is something I struggle with, especially when I feel like I have accumulated too much stuff. Decluttering your space isn’t just aesthetically pleasing, decluttering is proven to impact your mood.  No one has time for that considering there’s already enough going on around us that triggers our stress. Investing in organization products is a great place to start, but going through items in your home and donating and tossing unwanted things helps make your room for a clutter-free environment. This includes home goods, clothes, makeup, and whatever else that is making you ask yourself, “Do I ever use this?”

5. Set boundaries with your phone and social media 
Setting boundaries with my phone, social media, and technology, in general, is an ongoing struggle—one that I often try to amend with no success. Going cold turkey feels pretty impossible, so I have adopted a subtle, but consistent approach to this one. For starters, I no longer roll over and check my phone the moment I open my eyes. Secondly, I shut down my screen time at 9 p.m. each night.
Social media can have a positive effect on our lives, but like most things in our lives, overconsumption can bring about negative effects—in this case, sleep disruption, anxiety, and depression. If you’re like me and are looking for ways to have a healthier relationship with social media, Start with silencing notifications, sleep with your phone across the room (or in another room), and avoid social media an hour to 30 minutes before bed. Each of these tips are expert-approved suggestions that can help us find balance with technology. 
I find myself saying this a lot lately because I know it to be true: small changes can lead to a big impact. Find small things that work for you and your world. More

Thanks to cult-classics like Cookie Butter and Candy Cane Joe Joe’s (both of which deserve to be staples in everyone’s kitchen, BTW), Trader Joe’s doesn’t always get the health-food store reputation that it deserves. America’s sweetheart of grocery stores not only offers organic options at much more affordable prices than other stores, but they recreate genius alternatives of some of our favorite foods with cleaner ingredients and plant-based nutrients. There’s a reason Trader Joe’s is a go-to for nutritionists, dietitians, and wellness experts alike. Whether you’re plant-based, vegan, gluten-free, or just looking to make your diet a little bit healthier, here are 15 easy, delicious, and oh-so-nutritious items at TJ’s that wellness experts pull of shelves:
1. Green Goddess Salad Dressing

Many salad dressings (especially creamy Green Goddess dressing) contain sneaky processed ingredients, added sugars, and unhealthy creams, so wellness experts love this list of clean ingredients (avocado, fresh herbs, apple cider vinegar, garlic, etc.). Bonus hack: it’s not just for your salads. Try it as a dip or pasta sauce to sneak in some nutrients for little picky eaters (and no shame if “little picky eaters” means you).  
Try if: you’re over boring salad dressings.

2. Unsweetened Açai Puree Packets

While many açai bowls you can get at smoothie shops or restaurants contain added sugar, Trader Joe’s Açai Puree Packets are unsweetened. If “açai” sounds like a different language to you, the superfood has a wide range of health benefits and tastes delicious. Add to smoothies or make your own açai bowl and top with fruit, nut butter, and coconut shreds.
Try if: you’re a sucker for an Insta-worthy breakfast bowl.

3. Cauliflower Thins

Made of cauliflower (over 60 percent), eggs, parmesan cheese, and deactivated yeast, these cauliflower thins are a delicious alternative to bread, tortillas, etc., for anyone who’s avoiding gluten or trying to sneak in more veggies. Spread avocado on top, pile on veggies and hummus, or DIY your favorite sandwich for healthy, delicious, and easy meals.
Try if: you’ve never been able to say goodbye to sandwiches for lunch. 

4. Organic Coconut Aminos 

This healthy alternative to traditional soy sauce is free of gluten and soy, making it the perfect option for people with food sensitivities or allergies. It also has one-third the sodium content of traditional soy sauce, is plant-based (made from coconut), and certified organic, which are all labels that wellness experts cannot get enough of. Order it online here. 
Try if: you’re a sushi lover who wants to make your takeout order a little healthier.

5. Riced Cauliflower Stir-Fry

This cult-favorite stir fry is made with cauliflower instead of rice. The plant-based rice is mixed with chopped veggies and nutritious flavors like tamari, sesame oil, and ginger. Simply reheat the mixture over a skillet, and you’re good to go! Pro tip: add egg, tofu, or chicken if you want a little extra protein.
Try if: you don’t time/energy/motivation to cook, but still want a delicious, plant-based meal.

6. Organic Ginger Turmeric Herbal Tea

With turmeric to reduce inflammation and ginger to aid in digestion, this tea is basically a wellness expert’s dream tea. And it’s certified organic!? You’re going to want to stock up on this tea before all the health nuts sell it out.
Try if: you want a warming go-to drink that doubles as an extra dose of nutrients.

7. Veggie Spirals

Whether you’re craving pasta with tomato sauce, pad thai, or any other noodle variation, the veggie spirals are the perfect way to squeeze in some extra nutrients. These pre-spiraled frozen packages make healthy eating easy; simply heat them up and add to any recipe or top with any sauce for a way healthier version of your favorite noodle dish. You can either use them as a replacement for noodles or add them to the noodles you already love.
Try if: you live for a good noodle dish. 

8. Hi-Protein Veggie Burger

With an impressive 26g of protein, a simple ingredients list, and 40 percent of the daily goal for iron, these plant-based vegan burgers are a dream for meat-free diets. The texture is more like a falafel than a chewy burger, which means you can eat with your favorite burger toppings or put it into salads and wraps to get some extra clean protein into your lunches. Order it online here. 
Try if: you want to add more protein in your diet.

9. Organic Tahini

The only ingredient in this creamy butter alternative is ground sesame seeds. High in fiber, protein, iron, magnesium, and a variety of other nutrients, tahini is officially a staple in health experts’ kitchens. Add it to salad dressings to make them creamier, use it in baked goods recipes to up the nutrition, or drizzle over fruit for a decadent (and healthy!) treat. Order it online here. 
Try if: you want to hack your baked goods. 

10. Kale Gnocchi

Of all the infamous Trader Joe’s gnocchi (cauliflower, sweet potato, chocolate), the Kale Gnocchi has got to take the (very healthy) cake. With a simple ingredients list of potato starch, chickpea flour, sea salt, olive oil, and, of course, kale, it’s the perfect way to sneak in some extra greens.
Try if: you never remember to eat your greens.

11. Juice Shots

You already know that fancy juice shots are a must-have in the fridges of bougie wellness experts and health influencers. The problem for us normal people? Juice shots can be hella expensive (and for literally one sip…?). Luckily, the shots at Trader Joe’s are the cheapest I’ve ever found, while still being certified organic and full of superfoods and nutrients, making them wellness-expert approved. 
Try if: you’re looking to upgrade your wellness game.

12. Chocolate Hummus

I know what you’re thinking: chocolate…hummus? While I fully trust and respect the Trader Joe’s powers that be (AKA whoever names the genius products), I think of this less as a chocolate hummus and more of a chocolate frosting or dip that sneaks in some healthy ingredients. With a base of cooked chickpeas and tahini, dessert just got a lot more nutritious. Use as a frosting for baked goods or as a dip with apple slices when you’re craving something sweet.
Try if: you have a serious sweet tooth.

13. Cauliflower Pizza Crust

Perhaps one of the most beloved Trader Joe’s products of all time, the cauliflower pizza crust revolutionizes drunk food and pizza cravings by replacing greasy crusts and processed flour with nutrient-dense cauliflower and gluten-free cornflour. Try the Margherita variety for the days where “cooking” means sticking something in the oven, or the bare crust to get creative with toppings.
Try if: you live off of frozen pizzas (AKA everybody RN)

14. Organic Popcorn with Olive Oil

The only three ingredients in this delicious snack are popcorn, extra virgin olive oil, and sea salt. Made with organic kernels and olive oil (instead of more processed oils or butters), this is basically as clean as a store-bought popcorn is going to get. Plus, it contains fiber, protein, and healthy fats. Order it online here. 
Try if: you want a nutrient-dense replacement for potato chips.

15. Vegan Kale, Cashew, and Basil Pesto

Because even wellness experts love pesto. Not only is this option dairy-free, but it’s also more nutritious than the traditional version by incorporating kale and cashews in addition to the usual ingredients like basil, lemon juice, and olive oil. Use the decadent sauce on top of bruschetta, with your favorite pasta, or as a dip for veggies.
Try if: you need a go-to sauce that’s as healthy as it is delicious.

What are your go-to healthy Trader Joe’s products? More

After the complete dumpster fire of a year 2020 was, I was sure as hell due for a sit-down with a therapist (virtual, luckily). Everything “seemed” to be going just fine in my life, and I really had nothing on the surface to complain about. This year really put into perspective that having a job and housing, being healthy, and having a few close friends and family members are really all you need in life; the rest is just extra. So, why the heck was I so depressed? For one, I don’t want to downplay the absolute role of ~brain chemicals~ in all of this. I’ve suffered from clinical depression for as long as I can remember; the pendulum suddenly swings opposite my favor every now and then solely because my brain feels like it, and as much as I can try to meditate and journal and do yoga and become a freaking zen master, I’ll still deal with depression. But there are times when my anxiety and depression can stand for a little upgrade, and that’s where talking to a therapist about coping mechanisms comes into play. 
I’ve long been aware of the concept of limiting beliefs: those thoughts you believe about yourself to be utterly true even though they’re almost rarely based in facts. I can tell my friends up and down when they’re speaking through a limiting belief or they’re making up ideas assuming them as truths. But when it comes to myself… LOL. I don’t have such a handle on how negative thoughts can be so all-consuming. 

I can tell my friends up and down when they’re speaking through a limiting belief or they’re making up ideas assuming them as truths. But when it comes to myself… LOL.

I have limiting beliefs about all kinds of things. “They’ll think I’m weak and unstable” if I open up or get vulnerable with people, or I “can’t meet a partner until I lose weight, because no one would want to be with me as I am now” are examples of really specific ones I have. But they also come up naturally: “I could never start a business,” “I’m not good at that,” “I’m bad at relationships.” I have limiting beliefs about my performance at work, my friendships, my relationship with my family, my habits, my productivity—you name it, and I’ve probably created a false reality about it in my head. Limiting beliefs can even be pretty specious, to the point that you might not even recognize at first that it isn’t actually factual.
After a few sessions, my therapist caught on to a few of them and suggested I start reframing these thoughts. At first, I was like, “Yeah, sure, that’ll work.” In practice, it doesn’t seem like it could be that effective. “I’m bad at everything” becomes “I am open-minded and try everything, which makes it hard for me to become a master at any one thing.” But when we got more specific and took more time to focus on how I could reframe that thought, fireworks went off. Immediately, I noticed that my mood and ability to cope with negative emotions improved. 

I have limiting beliefs about my performance at work, my friendships, my relationship with my family, my habits, my productivity—you name it, and I’ve probably created a false reality about it in my head.

Since this has helped me so much the last couple of months, I’m ramping it up in 2021. The positive, healthy, mentally-well me has arrived! Here are a few ways I’ve used thought-reframing to manage my emotions and adjust the self-talk I experience, plus a few tips you can use to make 2021 your healthiest mental year yet:

Keep A Journal
My therapist recommended I dedicate a journal entirely for thought reframing. She said that when I have really negative thoughts that seem to pervade me—or even as time goes on, focusing on the little thoughts that come up throughout the day—to immediately write them down. And don’t judge yourself. If your first thought is that you suck and are the worst person ever, same! The whole point is noticing how often you have these thoughts. It makes sense why we’d feel down or sad if we’re constantly telling ourselves that we do, in fact, suck. 
Then, at the end of the day or week, I go through all of the thoughts I’ve compiled and work on how I would reframe them. And when I really need a minute to calm down and regroup, I’ll do it right there, sometimes in the notes app on my phone. This has been a game-changer for me. I slowly am starting to see patterns in my thinking and discovering how I’ve managed let these intrusive thoughts take over for so long. 
Some examples of thoughts I’ve reframed:
“I look so ugly today” → “I’m really proud of how I did my hair and makeup today.”
“I never have any good ideas” → “I prioritize ideation, and it’s a skill that I’m proud of at work.” 
“I’m a bad employee because I missed a deadline” → “I am working so hard to produce work that is high-quality, and sometimes that is sacrificial.”
“I’ll never meet someone unless I lose weight” → “I want someone to love me for me as I am right now, not someone who wants a different version of me.”

If your first thought is that you suck and are the worst person ever, same! The whole point is noticing how often you have these thoughts. It makes sense why we’d feel down or sad if we’re constantly telling ourselves that we do, in fact, suck. 

Source: rawpixel

Try hot-to-cool thinking
When reframing an entire thought seems a little daunting, hot-to-cool thinking is what my therapist recommended. Basically, instead of going from “I’m the worst” to “I’m the best!” you go from “I’m the worst” to “I’m working on it.” We don’t have to immediately love ourselves; that takes time. And even if you do love yourself, you get tripped up and have negative thoughts, maybe even often. It’s human, unfortunately, to be hard on ourselves and go to a negative place when we want to avoid feeling an emotion we don’t like, such as jealousy, sadness, fear, or anger. So, simply cool down your thoughts.
Some other examples: 
“I’m bad at my job” →  “I’m facing a few new challenges right now.” 
“I’ll always be single” → “Being single doesn’t feel great right now. I would like to work on meeting someone.” 
“I’m ugly” →  “Everyone has different taste; who I find attractive is not the same as who someone else does. Because of this, looks are so subjective.” 
“I’ll never have enough money to live comfortably” → “I can provide myself the necessities right now, but I’ll have to find another stream of income to have extra spending money.”

It’s human, unfortunately, to be hard on ourselves and go to a negative place when we want to avoid feeling an emotion we don’t like, such as jealousy, sadness, fear, or anger.

Recognize when an intrusive thought is taking over
The second you start to recognize that you’re catastrophizing or getting stuck in a loop of limiting beliefs, simply recognize it. Notice how it feels. Are your palms sweaty? Did you tense up? Is your posture hunched? Do you feel a temperature change? For one, when we can see how our body naturally responds to stress, it’s easier to understand how and why it’s not good for us. When you notice your jaw lock during a particularly stressful day and you move around to try to help it, there’s an immediate release involved. 

Notice how it feels. Are your palms sweaty? Did you tense up? Is your posture hunched? Do you feel a temperature change?

But there’s also importance in recognizing the thought so you can give yourself compassion. My therapist is constantly telling me to just stop and place my hand on my heart. Engage in self-compassion and love. Remind yourself that it’s OK to feel negative emotions. This alone has been a game-changer, and it’s so simple and can be done anytime, anywhere.   More